


more than just a sunflower

by mooipponn



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst, Childhood Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Fluff, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, M/M, MSBY Quartet, Pining, Post-Timeskip, Separation, atsumu gets bullied, cuddles and soft kisses, minor mention of blood/injury, osamu loves embarrassing atsumu, playing volleyball, pudding thief, watch atsumu wax poetic about shouyou like a whipped mf, watch sunflower/sun metaphor get buttfucked by me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26784184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooipponn/pseuds/mooipponn
Summary: The trails were unpredictable and twisting and even though most of them got the wandering little boys lost, there were some that led to the brightest places of Shouyou and Atsumu’s childhood.One such place they stumbled upon was at the far edge of the forest. It began as a small beam of bright light that Atsumu pointed at one day and grew brighter as they ran closer, skipping past the tall trees of the forest and into a meadow blooming with the brightest golden sunflowers they had ever seen.‘Himawari.’ Atsumu whispered under his breath in awe, his heart skipping a beat. An ache started up somewhere in his chest. Unrecognizable, lingering and sweet.Shouyou was gaping beside him, staring and filled with a wonder that only eyes softened with childhood could be. As Atsumu turned his gaze away from the sunflowers and towards Shouyou, he felt himself harmonizing with them, with their need to turn towards the sun wherever it went.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Miya Atsumu, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 19
Kudos: 118
Collections: AtsuHina Exchange





	more than just a sunflower

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yamabato](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamabato/gifts), [xvr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xvr/gifts), [neptuneleo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neptuneleo/gifts), [arajiki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arajiki/gifts), [Seabhan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seabhan/gifts), [Ereana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ereana/gifts), [Dejoyu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dejoyu/gifts), [Bieee_11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bieee_11/gifts), [jaythtr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaythtr/gifts), [seacubes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seacubes/gifts), [kamunamis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamunamis/gifts), [cheese_tea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheese_tea/gifts), [happendividual](https://archiveofourown.org/users/happendividual/gifts), [nyanayuki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyanayuki/gifts).



> HELLO! welcome to my Atsuhina Exchange fic! also my first fic hehe, so here's some things you should know : 
> 
> \- i love you!! tysm for clicking on my fic :') i am here to provide you with atsumu helplessly falling in love with sunshine shouyou to the best of my ability! i hope you have a good time here!
> 
> \- the povs here are a clusterfuck and i have given up on fixing them T^T it's my first time writing something exceeding 1k words and actually finishing it, so please bare with me!
> 
> \- i made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/12NuvM9YjqzOK8oMUexDyD?si=2ghiFGWzSWCQVZzXd2ni5Q) because i'm insane and i added in every song with the mention of sun, summer, love, going away, forest, memories, any word remotely relating to this fic that i knew PLUS songs that reminded me of atsuhina. i hope you enjoy and feel free to suggest more songs if you want! 
> 
> \- i hope all my recipients enjoy this fic! you're all amazing for all the hard work you've done! i tried to include as many prompts as i could so i hope it fits all your taste in some way or the other <3

_Sunflowers display a behavior called heliotropism._

_The flower buds and young blossoms will face east in the morning_

_and follow the sun as the earth moves during the day._

**_i._ ** **_childhood was ripe in the way their eyes filled with wonder at the things they did not yet know. like love, like the feeling of a spike fresh and tingling against a palm. like why the sunflower is so in love with the sun._ **

  
  
  


When Hinata Shouyou was five years old, he killed a boy on a mountain road. 

A seemingly normal boy. Black hair, bandaged hands and one who had a bad habit of looking too deeply into the sun. Which, in this case, proved to be life threatening. A seemingly normal boy, but he would come to be so much more than that in Shouyou’s eyes. He had stumbled into Shouyou's life with a punctured bicycle wheel flying and a knee dripping blood from a gaping wound at the bottom of a mountain. 

The cold winds passing by the mountain roads on the wintry morning of 2001, must still remember and carry with them the shrill horrified scream that had left five year old Hinata Shouyou's mouth. 

After all, he had just killed a boy. 

It had been forecasted to be windy that day, but upon this fated encounter the mountains had stood still, as if in anticipation, as Shouyou had cried into his scarf, gripping his yellow coat with small hands until the boy with snow melting in his black hair stirred, groaned, and slowly came back to life. 

That was the first miracle, of many, that young Hinata Shouyou would witness right before his own eyes.

‘How did you do that!’ Shouyou had puffed into his face as soon as the boy’s eyes finally adjusted to the cold enough to open fully. But at Shouyou’s loud voice, they shifted towards him and once again shrank. 

‘Do what?’ The boy’s eyes were tingling with the snow he had landed in, but he fought to keep them wide, almost going cross-eyed as he stared, and this was his first thought, directly into the summer sun. 

‘Come back to life, how’d you do it?!’ His sunshine face bounced closer to his face, their pink tipped noses almost touching as Shouyou leaned into the small cloud of fog between them with his wide curious eyes, to see the boy who could fight death with more clarity. 

The boy was bewildered and confused. _He had died?_ He looked down as his snow and dirt flecked hands and then back up at the small tangerine boy who should’ve been too bright to be real. 

A fleeting thought. _Maybe he’s an angel. Maybe I_ am _dead._

‘I’m alive?’

‘Of course you are silly! I’m right here in front of you!’ Shouyou said, as if it proved anything to a boy who saw him as an angel. 

Shouyou refrained from knocking at the boy’s head after a few moments of being gazed at, because his mother had told him it was rude. So Shouyou stuck to smiling at him wide like he was holding a giggle at the tip of his lips. 

‘So how’d you do it?’ He whispered the question like a secret, like he would receive one in return.

‘I don't know.’ 

‘Eeeeeehhh.’ Shouyou whined, cheeks dropping in disappointment. 

But the boy could only blink. He squinted again, staring, gaze flicking between his hands and Shouyou's big brown eyes. Up and down, barely joining the dots, his gaze getting tangled in Shouyou's striking orange hair every time he looked up. ‘Did you-no, are you an...I mean, who are you?’

To this Shouyou shined him the brightest smile his round pink cheeks could hold. ‘I’m Hinata Shouyou!’ He let out a small giggle, as if he was filled with them and couldn’t contain one any longer. Their noses were an inch apart again, the sun reflected in wide brown Atsumu shaped eyes. Shouyou grabbed his small cold hands into his own mitten clad ones. ‘What’s your name?’

The boy had a tied tongue. Tied to the single thought stuck to the forefront of his mind. 

_Maybe he_ is _an angel._

‘Hello? Are you actually alive?’ This time Shouyou couldn’t stop himself as he knocked the boy’s head. His mother wasn’t here to scold him for it. Only an unnamed boy who stared at him with wide eyes, with snow pilling on top of his head and a nose rosier than his lips. 

As the snow melted from the boy's mind, he blinked twice, remembered what Shouyou had asked him and then answered, in a voice bold enough that Shouyou could hear, yet shy enough for him to almost miss it.

Hinata Shouyou, at five, was a disobedient child. Disobedient because he was not meant to be here in the first place. Disobedient because his mother had told him not to practice riding his bicycle tonight but he had decided to slip away anyways. 

But disobedience is yet another cranky cog chugging in the clockwork of fate. 

Disobedience is how he found himself following the trail fate had painted for him. 

Disobedience is how he learned that the boy with the bleeding knee at the bottom of the mountain was named Miya Atsumu.

 _His knee was bleeding._ It hit Miya Atsumu all of a sudden that his knee was bleeding. But he wasn’t panicking and it didn’t hurt, the snow had numbed all feeling in his legs, so he kept looking at Shouyou in wonder. Before he could begin to wonder how he was going to get up, Shouyou just then noticed that, yes, Atsumu’s knee was indeed bleeding. 

‘Your knee is bleeding!’ he exclaimed. Atsumu felt no pain and had to look down to confirm it again. 

‘Yeah.’

‘You’re going to die again!’

At this, Atsumu's eyes turned wide. 'Again?!’

‘Please don’t die, I’ll be in so much trouble!’ 

‘Ok but you have to help me stand first!’ 

So with all his might, Hinata Shouyou threw Atsumu’s arm around his shoulder and heaved him off the wet, cold floor. The evening was coming to a close fast, the light going out around them. It was all gathering in one corner of the sky, staining the rest of it with soft hues of reds, pinks and oranges. It was a pretty sky, Atsumu would’ve thought if he had taken his eyes off the small tangerine boy, who was trying his best not to slip on the snow while supporting Atsumu in his arms, long enough to look up. 

With all his might, Hinata Shouyou cast a sorry look back at his bicycle, with its pitiful punctured wheel, before he started the long journey back to his house, Atsumu’s jacket clutched in both fists and cheek pressed against his red scarf. 

  
  


Halfway down the road, two headlights forked through the fog and found the two boys with their cheeks rosy and eyes teary. A worried mother came running out and ushered them both into the backside before two doors slammed and the car disappeared back into the fog.

^^

‘So how old are you?'

‘I’m five!’

Atsumu laughed. ‘Baby.’

‘I’m not! Well how old are _you?_ ’

‘Six.’ Atsumu made a smug face at this as Shouyou's mouth formed a small downward displeased ‘c’. 

‘Well so what, that’s only by one year! I bet you can’t tie your shoelaces either.’ Shouyou crossed his arms.

‘I can!’ Atsumu insisted indignantly. 

‘Ok but can you climb a tree?’ Shouyou's hand gripped the kotatsu blanket in both fists. 

‘I climb the trees at the park all the time!’ 

Shouyou had yet to know about many things. All he knew about Miya Atsumu was that he was a boy with black hair who had such a will to live that he had learned how to fight death. That’s all he knew, and it was enough for him to find a friend in Atsumu. He didn’t know about things such as the scraped arms and bandaged elbows Atsumu hid inside his sleeves. 

Miya Atsumu, with his dripping red nose and shivering feet tucked into the kotatsu, laughed at the shriveled grumpy look overtaking Shouyou's face. Miya Atsumu, with a knee that had been patched by Hinata’s mother who had heaved the largest sigh at the sight of both of them, shivering and half wet with snow soaked clothes. She hadn’t scolded them, only pulled tissues into both hands and wiped their noses before filling the bath with hot water. She had scrubbed Atsumu’s knee with gentle hands as she asked for his name, which he shyly gave. Then she’d left them to blow bubbles into the water as she prepared the kotatsu and two mugs of warm chocolate milk. Shouyou had jumped and splashed the water into Atsumu’s bewildered face until half of it was flooding the bathroom floor. He splashed until Atsumu began to giggle and kick his feet back at him. Until their bellies ached and the pain in his knee was forgotten. Until Shouyou's mother came back to carry him out. 

Miya Atsumu sat here now, chin buried into another scarf, listening to Shouyou tell him why he couldn’t climb trees yet. 

‘It’s because my arms and legs are still too short. I can jump pretty high though, so I thought if I could jump up and grab the middle part it would help. But then when I tried it my cheek got scraped and started bleeding! So I got scolded by Okasan.’ Shouyou frowned as he rambled, holding both drooping cheeks in his hands. 

Atsumu smiled at him, his hands warm around the cup of hot chocolate milk, feet snugly tucked into the kotatsu blanket. He leaned back against a cushion, eyelids beginning to grow heavy as Shouyou went on about how he had to find something new to do because he just couldn’t climb trees at all. 

On a normal day, he would've teased Shouyou. But today had been long and surprising, so Atsumu had just begun nodding off when suddenly something Shouyou said caught his attention. _Spike._ Atsumu snapped his eyes open just as Shouyou asked him: 

‘Do you play volleyball too, Atsumu-san?’

It was as if Shouyou had injected a shot of serotonin in his veins and suddenly he wasn’t so sleepy anymore. He leaned across the table, his eyes were sparkling as he began nodding excitedly. 'Yeah! Volleyball is so cool, I love it!'

Just like that, Hinata Shouyou was bouncing in his seat, eyes bright as the sun which was put to shame by his smile. 

‘Me too!’ 

Just like that Hinata Shouyou had made a friend. He found out that Atsumu liked tossing the ball at walls and anyone who was willing enough to play with him. Shouyou immediately told Atsumu he could only do basic arm touches and even those sometimes missed his small arms. He kicked his feet under the table when Atsumu laughed again. 

Shouyou challenged his new friend to a breath holding contest. He still hadn’t won against him in anything so really, it was only natural. 

This how his exhausted mother found them : face red as clown noses and hands clutching their noses, their mouths. They were seconds away from passing out but neither let in a breath. 

That is, until Shouyou's mother let out an unbelieving gasp and the lungs burst out of the little tangerine boy’s mouth. Immediately he ducked under the kotatsu table, knowing that was the signal before a scolding. Giggling softly, he crawled towards Atsumu’s legs, hugging them close as he heard her go off above the table. When Atsumu’s slightly red face peeked from a raised blanket corner, Shouyou pressed a finger to his lips as if he had turned invisible to his mother. 

The lights were turned off promptly and a soft yet stern voice reassured Atsumu he would be taken home the next day, and to immediately come to them if Shouyou challenged him to another ridiculous game. But Miya Atsumu was already reassured by the soft small hand that grabbed his own under the blanket in the dark. 

When he turned his head to look at Shouyou, he was already fast asleep. His giggles, bright eyes and sunny smiles put to rest. 

Atsumu smiled at him, at his new friend, before drifting off into a peaceful slumber.

^^

Hinata Shouyou found out the next day that there were two Atsumu Miyas, but the other was named Osamu. 

They both had black hair and were the same height (Atsumu would argue he was taller by half an inch) but it was easy to tell them apart because Osamu almost always had sleepy eyes and rice grains stuck to his cheeks while Atsumu always had a myriad of expressions passing by his face and a band aid taped to some corner of it. 

Today, the band aid was on his left cheek from where the ground scraped it when Shouyou's bicycle had hit him. And Osamu was smiling. 

‘You got knocked out by this shrimpy?’

They were standing in Atsumu’s backyard. Shouyou's mother was inside with his mother, probably apologizing profusely for her son’s reckless disobedience. 

Osamu was immediately attacked by ‘Shut up!' and ‘Who’re you calling _shrimpy_!’ but he only smiled a bit wider. 

‘Well good, it’s what you get for being greedy and eating my pudding yesterday.’

‘I didn’t eat it!’

‘Then who did?’

‘It was you! I saw you sleep eating again last night, I swear.’

‘I’m telling mom you're lying again.’

Confused little Shouyou, who could barely keep up with their bickering, made enough sense of the situation to throw a volleyball at Osamu’s head. 

‘Don’t bully Atsumu-san!’ He crossed his arms, moving to defensively stand in front of Atsumu as he stared down at Osamu, who had fallen and was now rubbing his forehead in confusion. He stared up at Shouyou with eyes as wide as his lazy lids could rise. 

‘Shouyou-kun, it’s ok.’ Atsumu’s hands came down on Shouyou's shoulders as he laughed nervously. 

‘But he’s being mean!’ Shouyou shot him a confused and agitated look. 

‘Well, um...’ Atsumu pulled at his woolen scarf guiltily and moved his head so Osamu’s face was blocked by Shouyou's orange cap. Then he tried to say as reassuringly as he could. ‘Osamu is just stupid like that, you know? It’s ok, you don’t have to hit him for me.’

‘Oi, you’re the one who’s stupid!’ 

‘Shut up!’ Atsumu was now stepping around a still confused Shouyou and going over to help his ‘stupid’ brother back up, trying not to laugh at the red blooming on his scrunched forehead. 

On a normal day, he would call him the Avatar and laugh till his stomach ached. On a normal day, he would never help him up. But today, he was guilty, so he offered Osamu his hand. 

‘And fine I did eat your pudding, I’m sorry!’ He felt too guilty to look at Osamu. 

‘I knew it.’ Osamu took his hand and before Atsumu could doubt him, Osamu yanked him down beside him. Atsumu's yelp got lost in a face full of snow. 

For Osamu it was a normal day, so he laughed and then got up, patting behind to get the snow off of his coat. ‘I’m eating your share tonight then.’

‘Fine!’ Atsumu spat out a mouthful of snow and rubbed his numb cheeks. 

‘I’ll share mine with Atsumu-san!’ Shouyou was still suspicious of Osamu, but he had yet to know Osamu was the more peaceful and nicer of the twins. Just not when it came to food. 

‘Shouyou-kun!’ Atsumu was so touched he jumped towards Shouyou to tackle him in a big hug. Both of them toppled over onto the snow laden grass, giggling as their caps fell off to sink into a misshapen crater beside their heads. 

‘That’s just cheating.’ Osamu looked down at them with an unimpressed look.

The both of them just stuck their tongue out at him. Because they were kids. Kids whose only care in the world was who got to eat more pudding, kids whose best friend was suddenly the person who gave them more of said pudding.

So they could deny it, but Atsumu was Osamu’s best friend. At least for tonight. 

And they had just found another small boy, who had all the light of the world stored inside one smile, to share that title with. 

It was a beautiful day. It was as if a force more beautiful than the sun had entered the twins' lives. 

And today, Osamu would agree if Atsumu were to suggest such a thought. 

^^

Shouyou's house was a long fifteen minute walk through a forest trail that steeped upwards halfway across. There was a wide wooden staircase at the point where the trail led up. That was where Shouyou would find Atsumu and Osamu waiting for him everyday, two black haired heads bobbing in the distance with their hands waving in the air. It made Shouyou so happy to hear them chorusing out his name in different tunes until he'd run up and into their arms. 

In a neighborhood with no other kids, the Miya brothers were Shouyou's first and only friends. 

Spring time was their favourite time of the year. It wasn’t too hot to play volleyball and not cold enough for anyone to stop them from eating three servings of ice cream. 

This was the time of the year when all the sakura trees of the land were reborn, filling their arms with blooms as pink as the flushed cheeks of a young Hinata Shouyou who played underneath them. He would sometimes stare above in wonder of their beauty and receive the ball Atsumu tossed to him with his head. Then lying on his back, rubbing his head, Shouyou would watch Atsumu clutch his tummy and laugh at him. The sun on his back, spring in his hair and a cheeky grin on his lips.

Atsumu Miya with his clumsy mistimed tosses. Shouyou thought they were great. He thought it was great he finally had someone to toss the ball to him, so with all his might he would try to spike it. He loved each toss he received, even if his little arms could do nothing but miss and barely graze it sometimes.

‘You’re gonna make him even shorter.’ Osamu would smack his silly twin and chaos would ensue. So would Shouyou's stream of endless spring giggles. 

Spring was also a time when the frogs came out. Countless frogs with their chorusing voices, humming _kero kero_ all day and into the night. 

During the early summer when the heat was still light against the skin and clothes were worn as few as possible, when the sun painted soft orange sheets across every surface and the neighbour cat chose a tree to lie under and stayed there till the sun left the sky, Shouyou, Atsumu and Osamu would run down the little road connecting their house to the curving bridge above the pond. Their slippers pattered down the pavement, high strung giggles and mid-run declarations of a race filling the summer air with something only as sweet as childhood. The road sloped downwards so sometimes Shouyou would topple over and bump into the twins, and like a stack of dominos they would go rolling down the leaf strewn pathway into a pile at the very bottom. 

Osamu would always complain as he sat up rubbing his head, while Atsumu would spring up to check Shouyou's face for any new bruises. The little tangerine boy would just laugh; he was filled with them, and a summer full of friends and frogs by the pond was a good enough reason to let them all tumble out. 

It was one of the reasons Atsumu loved spring breaks. He would get to be near and soak in all the glory of the brightest sun to ever walk and live. 

Almost every day, during the early hours of the morning when the heat wasn't bearing down on them, they placed their volleyball at a safe distance and sat by the edge of the pond. Bending their knees, they dipped their hands into the water and tried to catch frogs into their little palms. Somehow Osamu was the only one they would come to willingly and with sparkling eyes, they would all stare in wonder at the green croaking glob sitting in the middle of his palm. They took turns trying to touch it, but it would always hop away before Atsumu ever got a finger on it. 

‘Frogs hate you.’ Osamu would smile at him and Atsumu declared he could catch a frog too, and without Osamu’s help.

Then one day Atsumu tried to grab it off his palm and it quickly hopped away, much to Osamu’s annoyance. Shouyou ran after it and Atsumu tried to stop him from falling into the water. 

And so, clumsy toed Atsumu slipped on the muddy soil and they both went toppling into the clear pond water, filled with tadpoles, soft mud and soggy leaves. 

Clumsy toed Atsumu was soaked from head to toe and horrified at what looked to be a million tadpoles swimming away from them. He was mid scream when he turned his head to see Shouyou giggling as he splashed around, his cotton blue summer shirt and soft orange hair heavy with pond water. Shouyou’s hands were full of as many slippery tadpoles as he could grab and cheeks beginning to glow in the sun rising behind them. Somehow it made Atsumu forget the wet mud between his fingers, the leaves in his hair, and his left foot slipper that was now being stolen away by the frogs. 

Time hangs in the air for a moment, breathless with the blessings it brings. 

Shouyou was so bright that Atsumu thought the sun had dimmed. He was laughing, the pretty ends of his eyes were crinkled and round cheeks dimpled. He was laughing, so it was all okay. Atsumu began to laugh as well. 

Atsumu only felt the small flicker of an ache begin to spark, somewhere in his chest. Unrecognizable, fleeting and sweet. 

  
  


On days when the sun was too bright, they had to stay inside and watch the twins’ mother cut up long slices of watermelon that they would carry out to the _engawa_ to eat. Their legs swung and bumped into each other as they bit into the watery sweetness of the fruit until their teeth touched white. Emptied cups of _somen_ and plates still wet with watermelon juice lined the wooden panes of the _engawa_ where the twins and Shouyou lay passed out, breathing through open mouths, half shaded from the scorching sun. 

Osamu would complain about it sometimes. 

‘Can the sun go away? It’s way too hot.’ He raised an arm as he squinted away from it. His back collapsed against the warm wood, watermelon stained cheeks puffed.

'The sun is fine where it is, how about you go away?' Atsumu poked his brother's head with a frown. 

Atsumu didn’t mind the sun. It got a little hot sometimes but he didn’t care. Because to him, summertime meant more Shouyou visits, it meant more volleyball tosses under shading trees and sheets of paper twisted into small paper planes soaring high up into tree branches. It meant more of a sunshine smile he could daze at all day. 

A young sunflower faces the east in anticipation of the dawn, awaiting the arrival of the sun impatiently. Breathless where it stands and almost feels time hang heavy in the summer air. 

Osamu threw him a dirty look. ‘If you like it so much, why don’t you come stand in front of me then?’

Summer was drawing in fast, so the sun had begun to show its cruelty upon their soft, wet skins, painting their arms a shade darker where their short sleeves couldn’t reach down to.

‘Oooii...’ A worn out sleepy voice came from beside them before they could start another fight. ‘Atsumu-san if you’re gonna stand in front of anyone, please let it be me.’ Shouyou panted out from the far corner. ‘No seriously I think I’m melting into a puddle.’

Atsumu laughed out loud, though it took effort to not immediately drink a gallon of water after the effort. ‘Why the hell are you lying directly in the sun Shouyou-kun.’

Shouyou was half covered in sunshine; it almost seemed as if he was glowing. Like the sun was trying to take him back, beam by beam, to where he came from. 

‘Did he just turn into an angel?’ Osamu squinted as he half raised his head towards where Shouyou seemed to be laying and Atsumu smiled thinking ‘ _I thought of that first, hah.'_ But when there was no response for a while, both twins sprang up and crawled hurriedly over to Shouyou. This resulted in Atsumu screaming ‘Don't die Shouyou-kun!’ and Osamu worriedly taking his earlier words back. 'Don't actually turn into an angel!'

After a frantic squabble of limbs, a water bottle being emptied on a red face and rapid hands flapping like fans, Shouyou creaked open his eyes only halfway with a sunny smile. 

‘Waah. I’m alive.’

^^

The forest had many trails. Some cut off halfway, plunging into a little stream that led to some far off place, some led to the mountain edge which was simply a dead end to the boys who couldn’t climb it. On reaching one of these dead ends, Atsumu would claim he knew all along because his commendable directional skills had told him something was off, much to the annoyance of Osamu because ‘ _why didn’t you say so before.’_

The trails were unpredictable and twisting and even though most of them got the wandering little boys lost, there were some that led to the brightest places of Shouyou and Atsumu’s childhood. 

One such place they stumbled upon was at the far edge of the forest. It began as a small beam of bright light that Atsumu pointed at one day and grew brighter as they ran closer, skipping past the tall trees of the forest and into a meadow blooming with the brightest golden sunflowers they had ever seen. 

‘ _Himawari._ ’ Atsumu whispered under his breath, his heart skipping a beat. A wind picked up from somewhere across the field. It swept across the flowers and whistled past Atsumu's humming ears. An ache started up somewhere in his chest. Unrecognizable, lingering and sweet. 

Shouyou was gaping beside him, staring and filled with wonder that only eyes softened with childhood could be. As Atsumu turned his gaze away from the flowers and towards Shouyou, he felt himself harmonizing with them, with their need to turn towards the sun wherever it went. 

The air was buzzing around them with a fuzzy mixture of sounds, pounding in Atsumu’s ears. Bees. His heartbeat. A song his grandmother would sing for him before a rice harvest. The crunch of the fresh grass beneath his beaten down sneakers. _Shouyou's soft giggles._ _Shouyou's distant heartbeat_. _Shouyou's giddy clapping._ The rustle of the sunflowers swaying in the wind and the song they seemed to be humming to Atsumu. _Shouyou's voice calling him._

 _Shouyou._ All the little sounds that made him, that spilled out of him; they filled Atsumu to the brim. He was so bright, and as Atsumu turned to him, he thought the sun had dimmed. 

It was only natural for a sunflower to bend towards their sun after all. 

^^

When Hinata Shouyou turned eleven, two events shaped his being and one broke it. 

The first came in the form of his first volleyball game, when one evening the Miya siblings met Shouyou at the wooden staircase with a small group of boys from their school-- a group just big enough to form two teams. 

They all decided the park near the Miyas’ house was the perfect place. Shouyou decided it would be more fun if he played for the other team and competed with his best friends. A small show of how much stronger he had become after all their playful practice sessions. 

He was the shortest of all the boys, and jumped the highest. _Like an ace!_ He liked to say, a proud grin shaping his lips as he stood with his arms on his waist. 

‘If only you could spike like one too.’ One of the boys laughed, eyeing his thin arms. Shouyou turned red, opening and closing his mouth because he couldn’t decide how to counter. A loud voice behind him beat him to it before he could.

‘He will!’ 

It was Miya Atsumu, frowning. 

‘He can do it.’ The way Atsumu said it, with the confidence of a boy who had seen it happen with his own eyes, made Shouyou’s heart expand with the belief he had in him. The other guys didn’t know that Atsumu was actually a boy who had never once witnessed Shouyou spiking one of his tosses. 

Shouyou looked at him across their makeshift court, the sloping volleyball net, and smiled. He tried not to cry as Atsumu nodded and sent him a confident smile right back. He set his sights on the boy he had to prove right today, and also the boy he had to defeat. 

‘Get ready to be defeated Shouyou-kun.’ Atsumu seemed to have read his mind. 

Their moment was interrupted by Osamu smacking the back of Atsumu’s head. ‘Oi you idiot, are you encouraging him or discouraging him? Choose one.’ 

The sun seemed to beam a bit brighter as Atsumu turned back to scream ‘ _you wouldn’t understand ‘Samu!’_ at him as Shouyou laughed. 

That evening they played until the sun went down. As fatigue began filling his limbs, Shouyou learned that the strange beautiful boy who could fight death, could see into the future as well. Another miracle a young Hinata Shouyou became privy to. 

Atsumu switched teams for one game of the seven they played that day with a simple statement-- _'Let me toss to you.'_

And so, Atsumu tossed to him. The ball finally connected with his palm and with the wind filling his light summer shorts, he soared. Atsumu gazed at him from where he stood rooted to the ground, and he swore Shouyou seemed to almost hang in the air, almost weightless. 

_Like the sun._ Atsumu’s mouth hung half open at the realization. 

The spike resounded on the other side of the court before he could even take his eyes off of Shouyou. It imprinted itself beautifully on Shouyou’s palm, who fell back to the ground in pure shock and elation. A stunned silence hung in the air; it lingered while the sting was still fresh before it erupted into cheers and Shouyou was thrown into the air by, quite surprisingly and unsurprisingly, both teams. 

Shouyou lost every game to Atsumu that day, but he didn’t forget the seventh one. He walked home with the sting of his first spike still tingling sweetly on his palm and the thought that he had finally spiked one of Atsumu’s tosses even sweeter. 

The second happening, that was as pleasant if not more than the first, went like so :

Shouyou’s arms had become long enough to wrap around a tree trunk decently enough to hold him in place, so Atsumu taught him how to climb trees. 

He learned how half the bruises coloring Atsumu's knees and lanky arms were from attempting to climb up barky trees faster than his brother, who seemed to be a natural at everything he did. This didn’t pass the notice of Atsumu who always ran to catch up, not wanting to be left behind. 

They tried to climb all the trees of the forest starting with the thinner ones with more branches, where Shouyou had experienced some of the best adventures with the twins. Grappling with the branches, he reveled in the feeling of being able to grab onto one and swing himself back and forth. 

Back and forth, back and forth until he could grab onto Atsumu’s hand and let himself be pulled higher. 

Once they had conquered the small ones, Shouyou insisted on trying the big branchy and thick trees; the ones that the sky opened up for. 

He failed each time, because his arms were still too soft and the bark too harsh. He bruised and bled easily. It was worrisome for the twins but Shouyou’s sad face made them dig for ideas. They wrapped layers of bandages around his soft arms and helped push him up from beneath, struggling as Shouyou tried reaching up to go even higher. 

The first time Shouyou stood with Atsumu at the top of the tallest tree of the small forest, he never wanted to leave. He remembered the wind was the sweetest in his face when he stood at the top of the world with Atsumu’s hand held tight in his own. A magical feeling of weightlessness bloomed in his chest as he stared down. The forest seemed so small and beautiful. He could see where the mountains curved up to meet the cloudy sky, and the forest floor that was flecked with a hundred other trees. He felt pride knowing he was here, perched upon the highest of them all. 

For the first time, he felt so big. Invincible. Indestructible. If he jumped off here, he was so sure the wind would only carry him higher. 

Suddenly Atsumu tugged at his hand, and somewhere between the wind brushing his ears Shouyou heard his soft _‘be careful Shouyou-kun’._ For reasons unknown, his heart only soared higher, to heights where the fall became all the more dangerous. 

‘I’m not scared today.’ Shouyou smiled down at Atsumu, where he sat with his legs swinging, holding onto Shouyou with one hand and gripping the bark under him hard with the other. 

‘You over your fear of heights already?’ Atsumu looked up at him with an eyebrow raised, remembering the time he had cried when he looked down and realized how high he was. Shouyou only giggled, to which Atsumu gripped his hand tighter with a frantic ‘ _oi,_ _don’t close your eyes when we’re up this high!’_

‘No.’ He shook his head. At the confused look passed his way, Shouyou explained: 

‘It’s because I’m with Atsumu-san!’ He was still giggling, because he was filled with them as he looked at Atsumu with his bright eyes, observing him; ‘ _He’s red_.’

‘So I know I'm safe.’ _Redder._

Time seemed to hang still, breathless and anticipating, between them. The wind was warm as it brushed the black hair from the little flushed boy’s forehead, laughing softly in his ears.

Atsumu slowly stood up, still gripping Shouyou's hand, eyes wide. ‘Because I’m here?’

‘Mhm!’ he nodded, hand wrapping tighter around Atsumu’s hand. The birds were caroling their sweet song from some corner of the tree. A soft breeze picked up from far away and came whistling through the falling leaves to where Hinata Shouyou was standing on what felt like the highest branch of the world, smiling at Atsumu like he was his world. The sun on his back and summer in his hair. 

‘Of course I’m here.’ And as Atsumu spoke, he felt his heart soar. ‘I’ll always be here.’

Atsumu knew if he fell, the drop would hurt. Shouyou was smiling at him somehow even brighter than before, there was a thirty meter drop below them and the sun was blinding in his eyes. He shouldn’t fall. No one would catch him. 

Atsumu knew if he fell, the drop would hurt. But then Shouyou's small hand clenched in his, his palm as warm as his smile, and so, Atsumu fell anyway. 

Osamu, who lay in bed at home with a wet cloth covering his forehead and tissues stuck in his nose, felt a small feeling tingling in his mind. It sent a shiver down his spine and he sneezed. He didn’t know what it meant but forgot about it as his stomach grumbled, finding that he had more important matters to attend to.

End of the summer of 2007 looked like so: a sick, red-faced Miya Osamu staring out of the window from his bed, an onigiri stuffed in one cheek and a satisfied smile lifting the other. On a forest trail far from his window, a young Hinata Shouyou was falling asleep on Miya Atsumu’s shoulder, who was carrying his little friend home as the last of the sun rays swept the forest floor and showered them in a soft orange. The footsteps of their sweet childhood crunching the foliage, skipping ahead of them. 

Miya Atsumu; the sun on his back and summer in his hair. He held Shouyou's thighs tight under his arms, flushing from how softly he was breathing into his neck, how soft his cheek felt against Atsumu’s bare shoulder. He wasn’t heavy at all, but Atsumu found himself stumbling and giggling as he made his way home for what he didn’t know was the last time. 

It was sweet but summer had to end. 

^^

Miya Atsumu was twelve when he grabbed Shouyou's hand and wished to disappear from the world with him. 

He ran and ran and kept running as far away from home as his legs could take him. He ignored the tint of blue cold in the winds in his ears and the aching of his feet. Tucked away the sounds of heavy breathing and footsteps drumming along the familiar forest trail, twigs and dried leaves snapping, into the corner of his mind. Only focusing on the warm hand he tightly held onto, the warm hand he didn’t ever want to let go of, and the path opening up ahead of him.

Behind him, Shouyou tried to speak, his words stumbling and getting lost with the wind in his face. Atsumu kept running. 

Because if he didn’t, he would have to stop and explain, to answer Shouyou's questions. He would have to say it out loud and he was afraid. He was afraid if he said it out loud, the atrociously impossible news he’d found out today would become real.

So Atsumu ran. And selfishly, he took Shouyou with him.   
  


The magic of the lake at the very edge of the forest, which could very well be the edge of the world for young Atsumu and Shouyou, was that time seemed to stop. The forest ended where the meadow of sunflowers stretched their golden fingers out to touch the edge of a timeless porcelain lake. A clearing that pooled all the light of the sun and their childhood in its embrace.

Of the countless times they’d visited it, the wind always seemed to blow the sunflowers in whichever direction Shouyou was standing, Osamu always claimed it was Atsumu’s imagination. It never changed his mind; Shouyou was the centre of the universe. He was bright enough to be. You’d just have to believe it. 

Atsumu understood the way of the sunflowers, who were so in love with the sun they couldn’t bear to turn away from it. Who wilted in the absence of it. 

He held the silly love drunk flower between his fingertips, rubbing his round thumbs down the soft petals fondly, finding comfort in the way they always faced their light source. It somehow made him feel less alone in the feeling that had grown stronger in his chest as the years had rolled by. The feeling of wanting to turn towards Shouyou wherever he was, wherever he went. The feeling Atsumu could never name.

Atsumu had decided he didn’t need to name it; he was fine. It was alright so long as Shouyou was beside him. He could hold his hand, sneak a small glance at his eyes brighter than the sun. They could walk to the edge of the lake to dip their hands into the cold water together. The feeling would still ache somewhere inside of him but it didn’t matter when Shouyou smiled, when he laughed. When he was _here_. 

It was all here, a slip of a glance away, so it was okay. It would all be okay. 

So Atsumu let it ache. It ached and ached and he cherished it. He knew he would long for it when he left. 

  
  


Atsumu only stopped running when he felt the sunflower petals graze his frantic fingertips. Shouyou panted beside him, bent over and barely able to shape his lips around two words. 

He didn’t get a chance to catch his breath before Atsumu was running again. He looked up to see Atsumu almost getting lost in the tall sunflowers, and he found himself thinking that if only his hair hadn’t been so dark, he could have almost been one of them. 

‘Atsumu-san!’ Shouyou followed him. Deeper and deeper into the meadow. Nearer and nearer to their edge of the world. 

That’s where Atsumu finally stopped, back slumped and hands in his hair. 

As Shouyou walked towards him in small steps, he didn’t ask why Atsumu had ran away, or why he sat now with his hand dipping a sunflower into the lake. He didn’t ask when his tears started rolling down his cheeks, dropping to become ripples in the lake, or when he took Shouyou’s hand in his own. 

He waited, sitting crouched beside Atsumu, letting the silent cries settle between them. He didn’t expect his own to follow when Atsumu finally spoke. 

‘I’m leaving.’

The sunflower stem was still tightly gripped between Atsumu’s fingers when Shouyou turned to him. 

‘Huh? Where are you going? On a trip?’ Shouyou titled his head in confusion, never once having even considered that he would have to part ways with Atsumu. 

Atsumu hated this feeling, this different kind of ache overtaking the old, this stubborn disobedience that urged him to forget the news his father had given him this morning. To run even farther with the only boy whose hand he wanted to hold. He hated how he couldn’t find the words to explain how Shouyou may never see him again, how he even had to in the first place. He helplessly watched the soft skin of Shouyou’s face going pale the longer he stayed silent. 

‘I don’t understand, Atsumu-san. Are you going to leave me?’ Dread sparked. It swam in Shouyou’s eyes, settled between them like an uninvited guest. It tightened Atsumu’s windpipe. He felt it again in the way Shouyou’s hand clenched around his. 

‘I don’t want to,’ was all he managed to choke out. 

Shouyou was a crybaby, both the twins knew that. They had seen the tears well in his eyes and the redness they left behind. They had seen the rainbow after the rain in the way Shouyou’s sniffles were replaced by giggles. 

But two things were different this time. One: Atsumu had never been the one to make him cry. It had been a splintered branch, a sneakily uprooted tree root or maybe a dead bird they had found on the forest floor. But never Atsumu.

As he let go of the sunflower gripped in his hand and turned to pull Shouyou into his arms, Atsumu was too afraid to consider the second. 

So he sat there with Shouyou crying in his arms, ignoring the tremble of his own lips as he held him close, rubbed his back and ran a hand through his soft tangerine hair to his heart’s content. He held him until Shouyou’s sobs turned to sniffles and his small fists unclenched from the balls they had formed around Atsumu’s soft sweater. 

Then together they stood up and unsteadily, slowly and reluctantly began walking home. Only for Atsumu, it was no longer a home.

By the time the sun dipped, the sunflower had drifted too far from the shore. It was now only a speck in the distance.

^^

Two things were different this time. 

One: Atsumu had never been the one to make him cry.

And two; Atsumu wouldn’t get to stay long enough to hear Shouyou's sunshine laughter one more time. 

^^

The next morning, Shouyou woke up to find all the places where he ran to find warmth had gone cold. The goodbyes had been said, the doors shut and a bundled up car had sped off into the distance. Two black haired boys had popped out of the window and waved until they were only a speck, kicking up a swirl of dust and browning autumn leaves in their wake. 

Shouyou stood there and cried until his eyes were dry and his shirt was wet. It would be harsh to say he hadn’t tried to be strong. He was only eleven and had just lost his only friends, and the person who had meant most to him. His mother had stood behind him with firm hands gripping his shoulders till his wailing had softened to sniffles. When the sun began to deepen the colours of the sky, she took his hand and guided him back down the cold forest trail. 

He remembered the summer of Atsumu’s warm hands and his tears began to fall once again. 

Shouyou tried to visit all the places where they used to play, retracing their steps and hearing their laughs echoing off the silent trees. Laughs he couldn’t bring himself to summon now that the reason for them was gone. Each familiar sight he took in, the more loneliness clawed his insides. The Miya household was locked, and soon dust began collecting on the _engawa_ where their childhood had spread its tired legs. The frogs had abandoned the pond and left behind their silence. The forest seemed to loom over him whenever he tried walking down familiar pathways. When he ran into the sunflower meadow, he found their petals had died, the stems had fallen to their knees in the impending cold. 

Shouyou went home crushed crestfallen that day. He felt as if he was being punished for a sin he hadn’t repented.

With his arms still thin, and his inability to tie his own bandages, Shouyou soon stopped trying to climb trees, and didn’t visit the sunflower meadow again.

Come winter, the sun dimmed and shied away from the eyes. Young Shouyou did not realize that this was just the unrolling of inevitable changes. Mother nature strolled her path, walking through bitter cold and loneliness. She would take her course, and it wouldn’t be long before summer returned, bright and brimming with life. Then once again, the sunflowers would raise their golden heads and gaze up at the brilliant sun.

On the seventh day after Atsumu's departure, Shouyou was filled with an impatient energy he only knew one way to expend-- he grabbed his volleyball and ran all the way to the park where he had made his best memories. He hit the ball against every surface, running to where it bounced off to and slamming it down again. A torturous process against hands still soft with childhood. 

'You said you would toss to me.' Shouyou felt inconsolable as he spoke. He picked the ball back up again. 'So where are you, Atsumu-san?' 

There was no response. Of course there wasn't. 

'Come toss to me one last time!' 

It felt futile talking to a person who was no longer there. So he let out a final cry, and with a slap of his palm, he let the volleyball do the rest of the talking. 

When the ball hit the ground for the last time that evening, it didn’t bounce back up to meet Shouyou's bloodied hands. It lay near his feet, stained with the blood dripping off of his fingertips, wearied and out of breath. Cold and tired. Shouyou had balled up his emotions and had repeatedly thrown them against a wall, shattering them, until he could no longer feel. 

But he could. He could still feel. The ball was tired, and so was he. 

The cold wind was picking up around him, tickling the hair at the back of his neck. He didn’t shiver. He barely felt it. Instead of pulling on the coat he had discarded on the ground a few feet away, he slumped to the floor and stared at the ball. Wishing with all his might, willing it to be picked up by the bandaged hands of a black haired boy with summer in his hair and the sun on his back. To hear his familiar footsteps coming towards him. 

A shivery gust told him he had tears on his cheeks. He ignored it. 

Shouyou wished he could ignore everything else in the world too. Wished to step off the clouds and into the universe. The darkness could swallow him, and his heart could burst instead of holding all these unfamiliar emotions he couldn’t understand inside it.

When Hinata Shouyou was eleven, he lost a friend named Atsumu Miya. 

He left Shouyou, and all the places they had spent running through as clueless sky-bound children, empty. 

^^

On the walk back home, Shouyou began to shiver.

^^ 

On the day that Atsumu left, they had made a promise to one another. 

They would meet again, in the only way they knew how, on a grand court where they would once again be able to play volleyball together. 

For a young Shouyou who had only ever lost to Atsumu in all the friendly neighbourhood games they’d played, it was a far off dream. But being a boy so short meant he had no need of looking down. All there was to see, was up. So he set his eyes on the limitless sky, on the paper planes that landed in lofty tree branches, on the boy with black hair and band aids on his face. 

The boy who came back to life on the first day Shouyou had met him. He stood here now with sunflower petals in his dark hair, the sun in front of him. 

‘I’ll find you again, Atsumu-san.’ Shouyou promised. ‘And I’ll defeat you.’

‘I would love to see you try, Shouyou-kun.’ Atsumu had laughed, his cheeky little face sporting the smirk that was all too familiar in Hinata’s eyes. ‘ _I’m going to win next time as well.’_ It said. This time, however, it was softened at the corners of his mouth, tears still welling up. 

_'That's a promise.'_

And with the link of their pinkies, a small squeeze, it was final. 

  
**_ii. youth is still fresh upon our hands, in the way you look at the sky with such longing. the same way i look at you._ **

  
  


There was silence in the training room, a stillness in the air that gave room for Atsumu Miya to settle his thoughts. His left hand was raised and clenched, his mind turning to liquid, spreading and pooling awareness into every corner of his body and the space around him. The ball pressed into his palm, the exact spot on the other side of the court where he had his fastidious gaze set upon, the exhilaration slowly climbing it’s way up his legs.

_Six steps._

He took a single moment more, before he began to run and then took flight. 

A hand connected with the ball and in a split second it was flattening against the cold floor of the other side of the court before bouncing hard against the walls.

Another moment of silence passed before Atsumu let out a loud _woohoo!_ and turned towards his teammates with bright eyes. Half of his tired teammates, sweating from the hours of training they’d just undergone, gave him an almost weary look, while the other half pretended they hadn’t seen. 

‘That felt great!’ The feeling stung sweet on his palm, overwhelming him with the growing hunger to spike some more balls. 

‘Huh, what did?’ Osamu lazily looked up at him. 

‘My spike serve!’

‘No idea what you’re on about.’

Atsumu just rolled his eyes and decided he was in too good a mood to let anyone distract him from it now. He was ready to go for thirty more rounds, and by that time he would make sure they all knew exactly what he was talking about. 

So once again, he picked up the ball again and walked six steps forward.

The sun beams slanted through the overhead windows and just then, they fell over Atsumu’s eyes, momentarily blinding him and, for just a second, filling him with the vision of a boy he once had known to shine so bright. A clumsy boy with new wings on his back and summer in his hair. 

He ran and jumped, and missed the spot. The ball flattened just outside the end line. _Out._

Atsumu falls back to the linoleum court and waits for the echoes of the failed serve to die out, his mind buzzing with so many sounds. Familiar, distant and nonsensical. His heartbeat. A song his grandmother would sing for him before a rice harvest. The crunch of the fresh grass beneath his beaten down sneakers. _A soft giggle._ _A distant heartbeat_. _Giddy clapping._ The soft rustle of faraway sunflowers swaying in the wind and the song they had hummed to Atsumu. _A voice calling him._

‘Atsumu.’ A voice calling him. 

He freezes, recognizing the voice and its tone instantly. _Kita-san._

‘Don’t overexert yourself.’

With these words from the captain, it meant practice was over. 

The vision lingered in Atsumu’s mind as other sounds began filling his ears; shoes squeaking against the floor as everyone rushed to clean up, volleyballs bouncing and voices mingling, rising with laughter and slipping into the familiar afternoon lull that settled in the Inarizaki High gymnasium after their Monday practice. 

‘Thinking about your little sunshine boy again?’ Suna laughed near his ear as Atsumu was taking a swig from his water bottle. He spat the water out and his cheeks glowed as he turned to scowl at his teammate’s smug face.

‘That’s enough confirmation for us.’ Osamu ruffled his hair with an annoyingly large grin overtaking his face. 

‘Shut up!’ Atsumu slapped his hand away and then much to his horror, the rest of the team began closing in.

‘Is him qualifying to Nationals making you _this_ excited, Atsumu? What are you? In love?’ Aran teased as he tried not to laugh.

‘That part shouldn’t even be a question.’ They began to laugh again, fondly grabbing Atsumu’s head to ruffle his hair and lightly punch his gut. 

Atsumu hated them all. ‘You’re all killing me! Stop it, I’m not in love!’

‘You’re only a good liar when your face cooperates with you, you know?’ Aran smirked as he patted Atsumu’s flushed cheek lightly.

It was something the team found oddly endearing about Atsumu, who was usually an asshole; the way he would get so easily riled up about a boy he’d once known. A boy he never could forget, or get tired talking about. He’d eaten their ears off the first time they’d all spotted his bright orange hair bouncing along the pixels of their meeting room's projector, running across a wide court, gathering wind in his wings as he flew. _Look at that guy fly!_ _There’s no mistaking it! Do you see ‘Samu? That’s him!_ A shockingly genuine grin overtaking his face as his eyes softened with something the whole team had to rub their eyes twice to recognize; fondness. 

_He’s as bright as the sun on the court!_ He’d say in excitement whenever he replayed the boy's match against Shiratorizawa. It was clear he hadn’t meant to say it out loud with the way his eyes had widened, cheeks filling with a bright red. The way he had spluttered afterwards, _I mean...he’s a decoy, so of course._ But the team never did let him live it down.

Atsumu was currently in the humiliating process of finding words to explain his completely platonic and innocent interest in his childhood friend to Aran, when the gymnasium doors opened. Coach Kurosu stepped in with a barely contained smile on his face. 

Then he looked at Atsumu, and let it spread across his face.

The feeling Atsumu had been filled with ever since he’d woken up that morning arose in his chest again, light and fluffy. _It’s a good day._ It told him. 

His instincts were always right. 

_^^_

_Atsumu? Did you just say Miya Atsumu?_

A simple question with a simple one word answer; _Yes._ It started with a passing statement Kageyama had made when he had finally returned from the All Japan Youth Training Camp, bouncing a volleyball rhythmically against the linoleum court before continuing their practice passes. He had stood with impatience growing on his features as Shouyou let the ball drop from his hands in the split second he heard the name. 

_‘Is it really him?’_ was all Shouyou could think of. 

_Oi, don’t just space out, idiot! That’s why you’re not getting any better!_

A volleyball had bounced off of Shouyou’s head, but the name had stuck fast onto the forefront of his mind. A name that was attached to a small familiar ache growing in his chest somewhere. 

Later he had learnt from Couch Ukai that this Miya Atsumu would be their next opponent. One of the strongest setters from the elite school _Inarizaki High._ This Miya Atsumu had smooth skin and golden hair. A confident reassured smile. No mention of him having a twin. _Golden hair._

The piece didn't fit the puzzle anymore. 

Shouyou had shook his head, and tried not to let it sadden him. He borrowed a bottle of cold water and poured it all on his face. Then with a loud yell, which he got scolded for, he refocused his attention on the coach and the game plan he was laying out, instead of on the slow moving pixelated boy smiling on the screen behind him. His seniors had laughed. _Someone’s fired up, huh._

Shouyou tried to shake away the thought attached to the forefront of his mind.

 _So it’s not him._ Because of course if it had been, it would be a miracle. 

That’s what he had thought then. 

That’s what echoes in his head the next day, as he looks across the court of the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium and into the wide eyes of the boy named Miya Atsumu. His silver haired twin waved at Shouyou from behind him. 

_No way._ Shouyou thought now, frozen in shock. It was Atsumu who had introduced him to his first miracle at age five, and Atsumu who stood before him as it’s embodiment ten years later. 

Time hangs in the air for a moment, breathless with the blessings it brings. 

It really was him, from all those summers ago. The boy who came back to life to befriend Shouyou. He stood there now with arms thick with muscles, standing at a height far above Shouyou, feet touching the same orange linoleum court.

They stared at each other through a taunt volleyball net, counting seconds and heartbeats, until Atsumu smiled. A roaring cheer squad at his back, overhead gymnasium lights in his hair and a confident smile spreading to his cheeks, lighting up his eyes. Shouyou can’t help the giddy spark he feels light up inside him as he smiles right back at him. In a way that says, _I’m going to defeat you today._

Shouyou dropped his gaze to see there was a number printed on his broad chest. _Seven._ He felt his own _ten_ burning on his back _._ They really were here, finally, as opponents. On real teams with teammates who had their backs. On a real court. 

Their first match had taken place in rundown park near the Miya’s childhood home. Thirty, or maybe forty, minutes long. Shouyou hadn’t spiked a single time. His team had lost every game against the twins. 

It had taken many more failures before Shouyou learned how to bind their bitter memories and mistakes into his muscles. He was ready for their fated rematch now. 

He still had his crazy jump. He could still fly like Atsumu remembered. 

Atsumu didn't realise how amazing it was to see him fly from so close, and not just through a recorded match on his phone and hazy memories of childhood summers. He didn't realize how much he'd missed it. Somehow it felt like his wings had grown even larger since the last time. 

But the moment he truly realised how much Shouyou had grown was in the first spike he drove past the clutches of their ace in their first set. It was in the way he magnetically pulled the spike by the same ace into his outstretched and waiting arms. _The most perfect receive_. It was unbelievable for Atsumu to see the boy, who’s thin arms had once bled with the smallest of scratches, flailed with the simplest of receives, to now take in stride a thundering spike by the top aces of the country with such perfection. 

Shouyou was electric, bright like a summer sun in the way he ran across the court, and ephemeral in the spikes he sunk into the opposite court. He was all Atsumu had eyes for. 

Atsumu had always known; if he fell, it would hurt. He had watched Shouyou from a small screen and watched him learn how to fly, watched him grow and defeat opponents and speedily reach to where he was now. As if he knew Atsumu was waiting for him. 

_It’s not for you, dumbass._ Osamu had told him the first time he had mentioned it. He knew of course. Atsumu knew from the moment he saw Shouyou on the court just a volleyball net away, eyes glinting with the hunger to soar higher and higher and higher. It was all clear to Atsumu why he was doing it but he couldn’t help wanting to include himself in some section of Shouyou’s beautiful existence. 

Their second match was right here, right now in the Tokyo Gymnasium far from home. It lasted for ninety one minutes and Atsumu remembered every second of it. From his first spike serve till the very last point he lost to the small tangerine boy who should’ve been too bright to exist. 

Shouyou’s promise glowed white hot at the back of Atsumu's mind, hotter than the frustration of his defeat. 

_We're even now._

Atsumu felt bittersweet, barely able to catch Shouyou's gaze before he was buried in a pile of his new teammates. His tongue was bitter with the taste only defeat left upon salty skin, yet heart sweet with the sound of Shouyou’s distant laughter.

With this surge of longing; to have his attention, to be the one Shouyou flies so high for, Atsumu found himself calling out his name. His head was incredibly clear and the words he wanted to say every time he saw Shouyou fly, suddenly ready to spill out. 

He pointed to him. 

_‘I’ll toss to you one day.’_

Shouyou looked him in the eyes this time, properly since the first time the match had started, his eyes were glistening but Atsumu wasn’t sure if it was with the joy of winning, or rather the joy of his first unprofessional setter coming back suddenly, even better and wanting to toss to him one more time. 

Either way Shouyou was nodding now, speechless yet eyes swimming with so many unsaid words. 

Either way, Atsumu felt as if he was soaring.

  
  


^^

  
  


_‘Hey’._

After four years of separation, winter had grown thick between them. 

Standing outside the hotel he had found out Karasuno was staying in, Atsumu wondered if even Shouyou could tell he was breathless with nerves. A shaky little insecure _hey_ murmured between them, nervous now that they were finally alone and Atsumu realized all over again just how much he had changed. Even in the darkness of the night falling upon them, he could see the firm broad line of his shoulders buzzing with experience and hard work inside his jacket. Even in the darkness he could see the beginning of a smile growing on his pretty lips. 

Shouyou smiled into the scarf bundled up to his chin. ‘Hey, pudding thief.’

And just like that Atsumu’s shoulders were relaxing, his eyes softening, cheeks warming into a smile. 

‘Hey, I don’t do that anymore.’

‘I’ll be taking Osamu-san’s word for that.’ Shouyou crossed his arms, his pretty little smile growing larger. 

‘What, you trust that sloth more than me now?’ Atsumu pretended to be hurt. Like he pretended he wasn’t nervous, like he pretended he wasn't falling in love with Shouyou all over again. 

But they were laughing now, puffing white clouds into the winter air, so he had that excuse to push the thought back into the farthest corner of his mind. He had the excuse of wanting to hear Shouyou laugh his brightest without any pestering thoughts blocking out even a second of his sunshine sing song laughter. 

It was the same as it had always been, Shouyou with a smile so bright it dimmed the sun and a laugh so sweet that time stopped in its path to listen. And so did Atsumu. 

It had been four years since he'd last heard it : so long that Atsumu never realized he could miss something so much. 

Atsumu almost couldn’t believe it. Because he was even brighter than he remembered. He recalled how just hours before he had stood there all those feet away from him, with his tangerine hair, fingers pulling at his tangerine shirt and feet bounding against a tangerine court. He had been almost- no, he _should_ have been camouflaged into the matching background. But he wasn’t. He was still the brightest living thing in the room, on the other side of the court, laughing, laughing just as happily as Atsumu remembered and talking animatedly with his teammates. 

Atsumu had ached at the sight, yet at the same time rose with it. 

‘You were,’ Atsumu began, rubbing his cold hands together, uncertain how he should tell Shouyou he was brighter than the motherfucking sun without sounding too in love. ‘You were pretty okay today.’

Shouyou gasped. ‘Okay?! I saw you gaping at me after my spike Atsumu-san, I think I was a bit more than okay.’ There was suddenly a smug smile taking hold of his lips, his nose turning pointy with hubris and Atsumu turning redder than his scarf. 

‘That’s because I was surprised! Imagine seeing someone fly right in front of your eyes, and then realising a second late that a point had been stolen from you.’ Atsumu was rambling now, but he was flustered and too far gone. ‘You were kind of incredible, Shouyou-kun.’

He smiled at the growing redness of Shouyou’s whole face, starting from the tips of his ears. 

‘You just went from okay to incredible, how am I supposed to keep up Atsumu-san.’ 

Atsumu laughed again, and so did Shouyou. Because they were filled with them and a reunion with an old friend was a good enough reason to let them out. A giddy familiar feeling rising from the pits of their tummies, bubbling up into warmth filling their chests. 

‘So Osamu-san didn’t come?’ Shouyou tried peeking behind his back as if expecting Osamu to peel himself out from Atsumu’s backside. 

Atsumu tried not to groan at the memory of his stupid brother’s smirk and his infuriatingly correct statement : _You’ve been waiting to meet him again for so long, haven’t you?_

Atsumu had almost felt touched for a moment before he heard him whisper a small ‘ _whipped’_ as he walked away, laughing in a way Atsumu decided he should go back and punch him for.

‘Y-yeah, that little shit went to sleep.’ Atsumu rubbed the back of his neck. 

‘Oh, I’m hurt he didn’t come see me.’ Shouyou pressed an upset hand against his heart, or the layers of clothing over his heart. 

‘Oi! I’m here, so why do we need that lousy shit anyways?’ Atsumu frowned, feigning offence and disdain. 

‘Well I do miss the better twin...’ As Shouyou trailed off with a sly grin, Atsumu was already stumbling towards him with his horrified face as white as a sheet. 

‘You don’t mean that. Hey, hey, Shouyou-kun, you don’t mean that.’

Shouyou laughed at his ridiculously annoyed expression and Atsumu tried not to stare.

 _‘Beautiful.’_ Atsumu whispered in his mind, his heart skipping a beat. A familiar ache started up somewhere in his chest. Unrecognizable, lingering and sweet. 

Even in the dead of winter, Shouyou made it feel like it was summertime. 

^^

They ended up exchanging numbers and when Shouyou asked, Atsumu had begrudgingly given him Osamu’s number too. 

And that is how they began to text. A silent promise that they won’t lose contact again. 

Atsumu adored the way Shouyou made sure to title each new message he sent him, with exclamation marks and silly little kaomojis punctuating the ends of his sentences. He woke up to his phone lighting up in the mornings with his _good morning Atsumu-san!_ and he only slept after making sure he had sent back a _goodnight Shouyou-kun._

Osamu was positively disgusted at the whole situation. So he began to catch Shouyou up on all of Atsumu’s embarrassing moments that he’d missed over their four years of separation, starting with the time Atsumu had ‘willingly’ started a kitchen fire in his attempt to make Osamu a birthday cake. Shouyou found this hilariously endearing but also nervously took Osamu’s advice to never let him near the kitchen if ever such a misfortune befell him.

He took special pleasure in describing how during Atsumu's parkour phase, he had sprained his arm trying to do a backflip off a table. He was only trying to look impressive in front of their ace with the cool foreign sounding name; Aran and his strict, pretty boyfriend; Kita. (Osamu's words.)

But that had clearly... _backfired..._ because Aran and Osamu had laughed their asses off. Things had gone silent in seconds when Kita had stood up and cleared his throat. 

Suna had recorded the whole thing. It was a beautiful video the whole Inarizaki team now had saved in a special folder in their phones. 

Atsumu hated them all. Shouyou couldn't stop laughing even when his tummy began aching.

Naturally the question of their hair arose one day when Shouyou brilliantly remembered why he couldn’t recognize Atsumu in the beginning. The hair dyeing experience wasn’t Osamu’s favourite memory to remember, given how the first time was a disaster thanks to his brother’s stupidity. But it was certainly one of his favorites to recall to others. So of course he doesn’t think twice about his brother’s waning reputation before sharing it with Shouyou. 

_‘Why_ yellow?'

_‘Because, ‘Samu,’ An exasperated sigh leaves his mouth, as if being forced to say it for the hundredth time. ‘It’s a cool, foreign looking colour.’_

_‘Are you still stuck in elementary school?’ Osamu deadpans. A youtube tutorial plays in the background. Neither of them are listening carefully enough, bickering like kids. As always. In two bowls, Osamu mixes the dye; one golden and one silver. Atsumu shoots him a quick glare through the mirror._

_‘At least mine isn't a boring as hell colour like_ grey _.’ Atsumu sticks his tongue out, clipping his hair into sections while shouldering Osamu to fit into the narrow bathroom mirror. Osamu grumbles something about needing more space to mix the dye and flicks his forehead. Atsumu yelps._

_‘Better than looking like a fucking sunflower.’_

_‘Sunflowers are cool!’ He’s holding the slightly red mark on his forehead, the left side of his hair falling apart as he whips his head towards Osamu. So, naturally, Osamu can’t take him seriously._

_‘Okay, avatar the last jerkbender.’_

_Atsumu refrains before yanking out all the clips he’d arranged Osamu’s hair into neat sections with, because one; he will have to wait for him to put them back up and two; all his hard work would go to waste. So he just kicks his shin. Osamu takes a deep breath before he could ‘accidentally’ fling the hair dye in his stupid brother’s hair. Because they didn’t have more. That was the only reason._

_Bantering and disagreeing, they trip through the delicate process of dying their hair, all in the effort to become more distinguishable from the other. Though Suna insisted that it was easy to tell them apart, one is cute and the other is an insufferable bastard._

You just called me cute, you know that? _Atsumu smirked at him and Suna shook his head._

No, you're the insufferable bastard. 

Well being an insufferable bastard doesn't mean I can't look cute. We look the goddamn same, Suna! 

_Suna just shrugged, ignored the steam pouring out of Atsumu's ears, looked at Osamu with his furiously cute, pink dusted cheeks and said._ Somehow, you're easy to look at. Nice, even.

_And even with Atsumu violently gagging in the background, Osamu had managed to burn a brighter shade of red._

You're disgusting! 

_Atsumu stood squinting into the mirror later. 'Whatever. I'm not cute, I'm handsome. That sounds cooler anyways.' He assures himself, putting on a smile as he runs his fingers through his black hair for the final time._

_‘Why the fuck are you applying the dye like a shampoo?’_

_‘Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be done?’_

_Osamu almost loses his shit. ‘Are you braindead?! Why do you think I bought all these brushes? What do you think the lady in the video was saying and even_ demonstrating _?’_

_‘I don’t fucking know, it was your job to watch! I was too busy being nice and pinning up your stupid hair for you!’_

_‘What do you think you were pinning it up for?!’_

_‘You’re driving me insane!’_

_‘Me?! I am?! Are you sure it’s me?’_

Safe to say, it took a few tries for them to successfully dye their hair without either of them getting injured (that Osamu wasn’t the nicest person to start a fight with, was a fact Atsumu wouldn’t even admit on his deathbed.). Safe to say, Osamu (and now Shouyou) would never let Atsumu live that down. 

It doesn’t take long for the trio to catch up on each other’s life happenings. Atsumu had already heard everything about how Shouyou had defeated the great eagle Ushijima Wakatoshi, he was surprised Shouyou didn’t realise how far this news had reached. A soft smile overtaking his face as he realised how far his sunshine friend’s light had spread. Far enough to sear the wings of the eagles that ruled the sky. 

The sun was rising, summer was returning. 

Then one day, Shouyou sends him a selfie. Atsumu breaks a mug and Osamu screams at him. He doesn’t hear a single word though. Because Shouyou is smiling through his screen, the sun on his back and a long awaited summer in his hair. He’s so beautiful, his presence so comforting that Atsumu’s chest constricts because even though they talk everyday he misses Shouyou so much and all he wants to do is see him again. And maybe, _maybe,_ even hold his hands. Just their pinkies. A warm palm. A slip of fingers. 

He feels like crying, really, so he grips his phone hard and hopes he doesn’t sob at a selfie in front of his brother’s shit eating grin and the whipped out phone camera. 

He hears a sigh from above him. ‘Just tell him already, ‘Tsumu.’ 

Atsumu shoots him a quick glare. ‘You’re one to talk. Doesn’t Suna have a date today?’ 

He regrets it as soon as the smile drops from Osamu’s lips. It was a dick move but he doesn’t try to take it back, doesn’t apologise because that’s not how it was between them. Because Osamu was already arranging his lips back into a smile, sadder this time. 

‘At least I get to see him everyday.’

And that’s even sadder, they both know. 

Atsumu huffs and stands on his feet all of a sudden. Pointing a finger across the table at him, Atsumu declares. ‘You’ll see. I’ll tell him before you tell Suna, and I’ll be the happier twin!’

‘Ok, _pudding thief._ You speak big words for someone who doesn’t even know if his cute little crush is gay.’

Atsumu had never really considered it, but he harbored no doubts in his mind. The little reminder only served to spark a different worry in him. 

Atsumu groans and sits back down. 'Fuck, he doesn't know I'm gay either.' 

'Oh I'm sure if he still has doubts then one of his teammates would be happy to confirm it for you.' Osamu reassures him. 

Atsumu nods, reassured. Before-

'Oi, what's that supposed to mean!?'

  
  


^^

Despite the promise he had made his brother on that one distraught love drunk morning, he was merely a sunflower bending to the path of the sun, never once daring to touch it.

He never confesses; stays rooted into the sure, comforting, firm grip of the earth. 

Summers come and go, and the sun continues to rise higher in the same sky he awoke under. Getting brighter as the days pass, pulling each pining sun-starved cell towards its sunshine, each time a bit closer than the last.

Atsumu smooths the promise into his palm and digs it deep into his pocket, telling himself he couldn’t let go of it yet. But neither could he fulfill it. Not when he had seen the look Shouyou had given his high school setter on the Nationals court. Not when Shouyou had been nothing but nice and good and patient with him all these years, like a friend should be. Not when the last photo he had sent Atsumu was of him and his goody-two-shoed setter. They had been standing close. Shouyou had been laughing. 

_Look, Atsumu-san! The sky looked so pretty near Yachi’s house today!_

Osamu had pressed a warm plate of onigiri and pickled plums into his hands that day, steaming and wafting a smell only a home could give, a silent comfort only his brother could know he had needed. When he had asked Osamu if it was gonna rain that day, he had looked out at the summer sun, looked at Atsumu curled into his blanket fort and told him, _Yeah._

Because he knew. Osamu had always known. 

^^

It was the spring of Shouyou’s third year when he sent Atsumu a picture of his graduation day. And a piece of devastating news. 

It must’ve been a good day, because Shouyou was smiling with both rosy cheeks, the sakura trees blowing its petals against his back, the wind in his hair. It was only him, with his black cap barely retraining his bouncy tangerine hair, his black cape falling off one shoulder as he showed off a neat high school diploma to Atsumu. 

_Sunshine-kun : Graduated today! The wind was so strong I was afraid it would carry me away!_

Atsumu almost laughed. _Almost._

_Sunshine-kun : Also...umm._

_Sunshine-kun : I will be leaving for Brazil in a few weeks!_

He stopped for a moment. Read it again. And then once more. 

It had felt like betrayal to Atsumu at first. He left Shouyou on read for an hour before past guilt ate him alive and fueled by emotion, he finally typed up a response. 

_Atsumu : Brazil, huh? Is the baby crow finally about to leave the nest?_

_Sunshine-kun : I’m not a baby crow anymore!_

_Sunshine-kun : And yes. I’m finally leaving._

_Atsumu : Nervous?_

_Sunshine-kun : Yes, it’s my first time leaving Japan! I’m excited too._

_Atsumu : Don’t worry Shouyou-kun. You light up every place you go, I’m sure Brazil won’t be any different._

He smiled at his phone, momentarily proud of how comforting he must’ve sounded. He reread his message. And then it hit him. 

_Fuck._

He threw his phone on his bed and walked ten feet away from it with his hands pressed against his flushed face. 

_Too much. Definitely too much._

His phone doesn’t buzz for a while and he over-analyses every passing second, thinking-no, _knowing_ that he went too far, imagining Shouyou’s confused face. What was he thinking calling him the sun right to his face, that’s basically a confession?! Stupid Atsumu!

He continues berating himself until finally, his phone buzzes. He takes a deep, nervous breath before opening it.

_Osamu : Shut the fuck up, I can hear you gay panicking all the way across the hall. You’re sick._

‘What the hell, ‘Samu!?’ He screams loud enough for his annoying brother to hear him. Just about to smash his phone back into his pillow, he stops when he hears it buzz again. 

‘I swear to god if it’s-’

_Sunshine-kun : Oi oi, you make me sound like some kind of sun, Atsumu-san /// Haha!_

Atsumu stares at it for a moment, then begins to laugh. Partly in relief and partly in disbelief. 

‘Shouyou-kun, you are so dense.’

^^

When Shouyou had told him about Brazil, Atsumu had been surprised, betrayed almost. But at the same time in some corner of his mind, he had expected it. He knew the boy who had only ever looked up wouldn’t settle for anything less than the summit of the world. He was sad, of course, that Shouyou was drifting so far from him, but he never tried to confess even till the end, never tried to hold him back. 

When the day finally came to see Shouyou off, Atsumu met him at the airport. No one else was there, Atsumu realised with a bit of shock. Shouyou stood alone at the gateway with a simple backpack and suitcase. But he couldn’t linger on the thought for more than a second before Shouyou was already turning to him, smiling, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waved him over, smiling as bright as a thousand suns combined. 

Atsumu wanted to kiss him so badly right then. He walked towards him, clenching his fingers that burned with the urge to brush his long beautiful orange hair behind his pink ears and kiss his lips, his fluttering eyelids and his little nose. He had longer hair now, Atsumu knew from pictures. But he saw now that it slightly hangs past his forehead, curling at the edges of his eyes as if each tangerine strand was smiling along with him, framing his small beaming face. 

Atsumu refrains from clutching his heart and falling to his knee, he thinks about how he should’ve brought his sunglasses. 

‘Atsumu-san! You came.’

‘Of course I did, you asked me to.’ Atsumu smiled at how much Shouyou resembled an excitable puppy right now, almost reaching out to ruffle his hair.

‘My flight’s in twenty minutes, my heart is buzzing right now. So are my hands, look!’ Shouyou was still bouncing slightly on his feet, and then he was reaching out to grab Atsumu’s hands as if to show him. _See? They’re buzzing._

Atsumu immediately felt it against his cheeks, the cursed blush he always gets around Shouyou. 

‘You sure are, haha.’ He tried not to fumble his words as Shouyou's hands seared him. ‘I-um, I hope you haven’t forgotten to eat?’

‘Oh! Yachi-san packed me a bento to eat on the plane! I can never eat when I have nerves.’ He was patting his backpack.

‘Oh wait that reminds me,’ Atsumu turned to his bag hurriedly, scolding himself for almost forgetting. ‘Osamu packed you some onigiri too.’

Shouyou is so touched he almost bursts into tears right there, quickly grabbing the warm, neatly packed lunchbox into his hands and holding it close to his heart, hugging it dramatically. ‘Osamu-san’s cooking.’ He sighed. Then cracked open a sly eye. ‘Are you sure you’re not the one who made it?’

Atsumu huffs, offended. ‘Hey! ‘Samu’s a little liar, I’m not that bad at cooking!’

Shouyou begins to laugh. Doubling forward at Atsumu’s little pout, his hair bouncing under the bright airport lights. 

Atsumu can only gaze as one who’s been mesmerized by the stars. _So mean, so cruel, so beautiful._ He thinks as Shouyou continues to ramble for a while longer. As he gets worried he forgot his passport halfway and turns to search his bags frantically before finding it in the passport bag on his waist. As he turns to Atsumu and laughs sheepishly.

_So far away._

He wants to hug Shouyou. Atsumu really does. And when their time is finally over, he wants to kiss him too. 

But he doesn't. He only lets his hand linger in his sunshine hair, letting it drift down to brush a thumb against his cheeks before he's pulling away again. No _goodbyes_ or _take cares_. He doesn’t want to feel like Shouyou is leaving him. 

He wonders briefly if this is what Shouyou felt like when Atsumu first left him. That time felt so far away. When Atsumu had to leave Shouyou crying on the road and couldn't toss to him anymore. But Atsumu knew he wouldn’t cry here, he wasn’t a kid anymore. 

'Don't forget to call me when you get there, ok sunshine?' 

Atsumu had started calling him that in his mind more often, but it felt new letting it slip off his tongue. Atsumu pretends that wasn’t a mistake and hopes his cheeks would cooperate. He had totally meant to call him that. 

Shouyou stares at him, an unexplainable look in his eyes that Atsumu almost interprets as expectation. But before he can do anything Shouyou is pulling him into a hug. And before he can pull away, Atsumu is pulling him closer, allowing himself to wrap Shouyou as close to him as a friend could, if you consider nuzzling your face into the top of your friend's head and holding the back of his head gently as 'friendly'. But honestly, Atsumu didn't care, he was clenching his eyes closed and breathing in the comforting scent of Shouyou’s soft, soft hair. He didn't care at all.

They stay like that for a few moments, quietly breathing, relaxing into each other. Shouyou’s arms clench around Atsumu’s waist, and he sighs into his chest one last time before he's pulling away all too soon for Atsumu. 

'Of course I will.' 

Then he's walking backwards with his bags and waving and smiling and drowning the whole room in his light. 

^^ 

Osamu looks up from his cutting board and Suna peeks from behind his back, cheek filled with whatever had Osamu had just fed him, as Atsumu comes thundering in. He’s panting like he ran the whole way, and no, he’s not crying. It just rained on the way. 

But they both know. It's the look on his face that says it all. 

_I didn't confess._

They also know it’s for some annoyingly noble, un-Atsumu-like reason. Something like : _I couldn't hold him back. Not from the world, not from being who he was always meant to be._ They would be right. 

They both sigh, giving each other a knowing look before turning to see Atsumu slumping on a chair, trying to catch his breath. He hadn’t even taken off his jacket, in fact he was pulling it closer around himself. As if he was shivering. 

'After years of being a selfish stupid bastard, you chose this day to stop.' Suna remarks and Osamu shakes his head and laughs softly. 

'Only for Shouyou.' 

It's a statement, because after all these long years, Osamu knew him best. He always had.

Atsumu hates them, he does. He didn't even say a word and they knew. They know him so well. He hates it. 

'Fuck you both,’ He rubs a hand down his face. He’s silent for a moment too long. 

‘Yeah. Only for Shouyou.' 

He sighs as Osamu slides a warm plate of onigiri his way, steaming and wafting a smell only a home could give. He thinks about Shouyou’s backpack; getting smaller and smaller. Farther and farther away. 

_I will meet you up there one day soon._

  
  


**_iii. i waited for you like a sunflower facing east, i waited, i waited, i waited for you to bring the sunrise upon your pretty lips._ **

  
  


It was a drunk little question. 

One Bokuto wouldn't even remember the next day. He'd had too much sake and was almost about to laugh his lungs out at some joke Osamu had cracked while Atsumu had been too preoccupied with a very heavy thought weighing on his thoughts to even hear. Atsumu's head began aching somewhere around Bokuto's fifth drink. He wanted to catch his breath for a moment. Just one moment. 

'You…' Bokuto began, now pointing his finger at Atsumu. 

'You're in love with him, aren't you.' His face was fixed with an almost sober smile. 'With Shouyou?' 

Of course, to catch a breath while sitting in the same room as Bokuto Koutarou was too much to ask for. Atsumu was mortified, eyes wide, mouth gaping, in the way a high school boy whose crush got called out in front of the whole class would be. 

'What the hell?' 

Bokuto was laughing, slapping Atsumu's back as he stared at him in disbelief. 

'Akaashi would scold me for being so blunt, but I hit the nail on the head, didn't I?' He grinned at him and laughed again when Atsumu could only glare at him. 

'Knew it. I think I deserve another drink for that.' 

Osamu rolled his eyes at that. 'Please, a stranger could tell with their eyes closed.' But he slid over another cup of sake anyways. Business. 

Atsumu was mortified. Too mortified to even think of a coherent comeback for his brother. Because if someone as dense as Bokuto had noticed it, then how fucking obvious had he been? And if he's been so obvious then _how_ _the fuck_ had Shouyou not realized? Or, and Atsumu shivered, Shouyou knew all along and was pretending not to because he didn't reciprocate and didn't want to give him a proper rejection because he was too nice and didn't want to hurt-

'He was all you looked at during the try-outs. Didn't you also trip over a stray rolling volleyball cause you were too busy looking at him during his spike? Yes, I saw that. But honestly, I can't blame you. Shouyou has gotten really good, his spiking form is perfect.' Bokuto was rambling and Atsumu knew he had to put an end to it. 

Osamu burst into laughter, 'He did not tell me that part.' 

'Shut your trap!' Atsumu shoved Bokuto's red face into the table. 

'Oh yeah, I saw that too.' Sakusa said from Bokuto's side. He had his mask pulled down for the specific purpose of showing Atsumu his smirk. Smug and shit eating. And it made the blood boil under Atsumu's skin. White hot and mortified. 

'In fact, Shouyou's the only one who didn't see.' 

'Nice, looks like you still have a chance, ‘Tsumu.' Osamu's smirk matched Sakusa's. 

Before Atsumu could blow a fuse at either of them (he was very close), Bokuto placed his big comforting hand on Atsumu's closest tit; drunkenly misplaced but filled with good intention. 

'Don' worry, Tsum-Tsum.' He tries to put on his reliable senpai voice, patting his chest. 'I think anyone who meets him falls a little in love with him.' 

Conveniently, Bokuto swallows the last onigiri and Osamu goes back to the kitchen to get another serving. Sakusa coughs and puts his mask back on. 

‘You guys...’ Atsumu raises his eyebrows.

‘Hey not me!’ Bokuto suddenly puts up both hands and laughs nervously. ‘He’s my kouhai and I have Akaashi!’

Sakusa remains silent. 

‘Well, I can’t blame anyone for it.’ Atsumu grumbles. ‘He's always been so goddamn bright. and like starving moths people get drawn to him, to have a moment of his time and get a chance to be loved by him.' 

Sakusa groans. ‘Please just fucking kiss him when he gets back and shut up.’

‘Is that how you’re planning on solving your disgusting crush on Ushijima-kun, Omi Omi?’

Turning red under his mask, Sakusa turns to point a finger at him. ‘Listen here, you bitch. Try calling it disgusting one more time, and I'll recite all the poetic you've waxed for Shouyou in front of him.’

Atsumu had just begun to open his mouth to counter; ‘Did you just call me a bi-?!’ But he was brought to silence quickly as the very heavy thought that had been weighing on his mind became a boy and walked up to them. 

‘Is Atsumu-san being bullied again?’ The boy laughed. 

'It's always deserved.' Osamu remarks as he walks back out from the kitchen and the bright tangerine boy laughs.

'Shouyou-kun!’ Atsumu lets out a wounded groan. ‘After all these years, I thought you were on my side!' He felt so betrayed, after all the times little Shouyou had spent defending Atsumu like a shield against mean Osamu, he finally learned that Atsumu did deserve it sometimes. 

But they're all laughing now, even Sakusa slightly smiling now under his mask, and Shouyou forgets to take pity on him because Osamu is now sliding a warm plate of onigiri his way, steaming and wafting a smell only a home could give. Shouyou almost tears up at the first bite, sighing a small _‘Osamu-san’s cooking.’_ with puffed rice filled cheeks. 

So, really, Atsumu was once again the only one suffering. 

He was the only one suffering when they had gone to the airport to pick up Shouyou two weeks ago as well. He had been having a not-very-silent meltdown; fists clenching and unclenching, screaming at Osamu for calling his _soft_ hair ‘crusty’ when he was trying to feel sexy, all the way up till the moment Shouyou had finally walked through the doors of Tokyo Narita International Airport's arrivals. A single backpack slung on his shoulder, the bustle of a crowd at his back and sleep ruffled hair. He had been grinning.

Then it just got worse. Shouyou had hugged him again, and then went to hug every other person who came to pick him up. He'd been laughing, like he always was. Because he was filled with them and coming home to familiar faces who missed him so much was a good enough reason to let them out. 

And Atsumu was falling again. For the hundredth time. His whole body tingling from the hug because it was different from last time. Because this time Shouyou had filled spaces in his arms that had been left empty before. He was warmer, as if he was coming from a place in the sun itself. As if it had left its warmth in soft kisses pressed against his beautiful tanned skin. 

And once again, like a sunflower to the sun, Atsumu looked at him. 

‘Welcome home.’

The sun faced him, and he smiled a bit wider. 

‘It's good to be back.’

^^

  
  


It's during the celebration party at Bokuto’s place for being accepted into the team when Shouyou pulled him through streams of familiar and unfamiliar faces, through countless hair ruffles, words of congratulations passed through half drunk sentences and laughs barely heard through the heavy pounding music, all the way to the one peaceful corner at the back. 

Shouyou flopped on the coach, pulling Atsumu down with him. ‘I’m so happy.’ He murmured into Atsumu’s shoulder, slumping against him. 

Atsumu was trying his best to support a drunk Shouyou in his arms. His hair was short again, he was still a tangerine boy, just no longer small. Atsumu tried not to think about how his soft curls were tickling his neck where Shouyou’s face was nuzzled. He tried not to gaze too long at his arms as they pressed up against him. They were warm, as if the memories of the sunny beaches of Brazil had been pressed into them, filling them up, a screaming product of his hard work, a reminder to Atsumu that Shouyou was a truly grown man now. Atsumu wondered briefly if Shouyou was just as warm everywhere else. 

And then he was blushing so hard he was afraid he would black out. He quickly concentrated his attention onto his half emptied drink, sloshing in his glass. 

‘You know Atsumu-san, I missed you so much.’

‘Huh?’ Atsumu had given up on trying to hold back his blushes. He leaned his ear closer to Shouyou’s mouth. ‘Why would you miss me, we talked everyday.’ He laughed. 

‘I went to all the places we had gone to, I never found you anywhere.’ Shouyou was frowning now. Eyes closed, a drunk flush taking over his face, cheek pressed against Atsumu. Confusion flared in his mind until Shouyou pressed the next words into his shoulder. 

‘When you left, I missed you so much Atsumu-san.’

It took a while, but he finally understood. 

It took a while, but Atsumu finally realised that Shouyou had been missing him for as long as he had yearned for him. 

Before Atsumu could talk, could apologise for something he couldn’t have helped, Shouyou went on. ‘You remember how the lights sometimes used to go out at your place when I slept over?’

‘Yeah.’ Atsumu smiled at the soft memory of Shouyou searching for his hand in the dark.

‘I was so afraid of the dark. But,’ Shouyou was smiling too now. ‘So were you. You used to pretend to be all brave and grab my hand. Until Osamu-san grumbled from the other side that you were gripping his hand too tight.’ Shouyou was laughing softly now. 

He was supposed to be feeling embarrassed but he was laughing now too. ‘Oi oi, I didn’t know you still remembered that.’

‘Of course I do,’ Shouyou shifted a bit on his shoulder now to look at him. ‘It made me feel so safe. That was the origin of the realisation that you would try to protect me even if you were afraid yourself.’

‘Shouyou-kun...of course I would.’

He only smiled, sadly this time. His eyes were still a bit hazy, clouded and barely kept open. Atsumu wondered if he thought this was all a dream because he had never heard him talk so emotionally before. He didn’t know what to do, so he let him keep talking.

‘It was so dark when you left.’ Somewhere between talking, the noises from the crowd dimmed, and Shouyou’s fingers grazed his hands, warm fingertips softly pressing into his fair skinned knuckles. ‘And I could never find your hands when I needed them.’

Atsumu felt the incessant need to apologise, to press him closer into his arms, hold his hands and kiss his forehead. To comfort him any way Shouyou would allow him to. But Shouyou went on. 

'But I knew I had to meet you again. I knew I had to get strong enough to stand on the grand stage as you. So I never gave up.’ Shouyou was sitting up a bit now, as if making sure his eyes didn’t miss Atsumu’s half wide ones. ‘I guess in a way I can call you my lighthouse, even when it felt dark I could always look up, see how far you still were from me and keep going.' 

He gave Atsumu a half drunk soft, _soft_ smile and Atsumu could barely hear the music above the sound of Shouyou's voice admitting that he'd worked hard all these years for Atsumu. How he'd drunkenly waxed fucking poetic for him in the middle of the crowded room, his cheeks flushed and a palm softly being pressed into his own now. The music had shifted to softer tunes around them. 

He could pass out right there with all the blood rushing to his head at once but Shouyou beat him to it. He had clearly drunk too much. And to Atsumu, nothing felt real. 

But what he didn't realise was that Shouyou felt safe enough in his arms to fall asleep in them. He simply circled his arms around Shouyou's waist and pulled him close, laughing into his shoulder with what felt like his most relieved sigh. He was pretty sure Shouyou was passed out when he finally spoke. 

‘What the hell are you talking about Shouyou-kun,’ He held Shouyou’s body in his big arms, reaching up to stroke his hand through his hair, finally. It was as soft as he remembered. 

‘I thought I was the only one who’d been looking at you this whole time.’

He looked at his sleeping face, at his settled features that had sharpened in ways they didn’t mar the natural softness of his face. Then he smiled at Shouyou so sweetly it had Sakusa belching in a bucket from across the room. 

^^ 

‘So,’ Osamu started slowly. ‘You’re finally dating now?’ 

‘What the fuck Osamu, of course not. Didn’t you hear anything I said?’ Atsumu looked at Osamu like he was stupid, and then explained slowly. ‘Shouyou just side hugged me last night because he was drunk, and told me he’d been thinking about me all this time. You know? Like friends.’

Atsumu smiled, he was so happy and relieved so he didn't notice that Osamu had a look on his face that said he was just about ready to shove Atsumu’s face down a blender. 

He took a deep breath and went back to cleaning the glass of the countertop, ridding it of any stains or leftover rice grains. ‘I think it’s more than just f-’

‘Actually,’ Atsumu said as if in sudden realization. Osamu waited for it, stopping his hand. ‘Like best friends. We’ve always been best friends.’

Osamu clenched the cleaning cloth in his fist. He pointed it at his dumb brother. ‘You. I fucking hate you.’

‘What the hell ‘Samu, that’s so mean?!’ Atsumu said putting down his onigiri. 

But Osamu didn’t care. He was suffering. 'More gay yearning.' He said with his head in his hands now. 'The guy told you he came this far all because of you and your thick skull still can't see he's in fucking love with you.'

'I can't just assume shit ‘Samu! I'll be so embarrassed if he just said that to me as a friend.' 

Osamu suddenly pushed back from the counter and began patting his pocket. He slipped out his phone, aimed the camera at Atsumu’s face and said. 

‘Alright, say that again for me now. But slowly. Let’s see if you realise.’

‘Okay! I will! And you know why? Because I know I’m right!’

‘Sure, go ahead and say it now.’

Atsumu opened his mouth, and then hesitated. 

‘Uh. Shouyou-kun...sees me as just,’ He frowned. ‘as just a best friend.’ 

Osamu put his phone down, as Atsumu began to mope. ‘As _just_ a best friend.’ He repeats. He thinks of Shouyou’s laughter and how much he wants to kiss his soft lips. He thinks of his warm breath against his neck, his warm hands, warm eyes, warm waist, warm hair.

He realises for the thousandth time how much he’s in love with a boy by the name Hinata Shouyou, realises for the thousandth time he didn’t love him back the same way. 

‘Atsumu, I think he loves you.’ It was said softly this time. ‘And not just as a friend.’

Osamu slides a warm plate of onigiri his way. Steaming and shaped perfectly by his brother’s hands, wafting a smell only a home could give. 

Atsumu didn’t know what to do. The only thing he could do right now was take comfort in the things that were here. He smiled for a moment.

‘I’m still sending that video to Kita-san.’

^^

The MSBY team all lived in a single big apartment. Their captain had explained that since they were only just beginning as a team, it would be healthy for them to build a closer bond with each other. It played an important role in warming them up to each other, establishing trust and friendship among the teammates. 

Sakusa was about to put up a fight before the captain allowed him his own separate bathroom. 

First step; rules had to be laid down, along with punishments if they were ever broken. They had a meeting and decided on four main ones to be remembered and the rest to be figured out along the way. 

  1. No fucking; the walls were thin and no team member wanted or deserved to be traumatized like that. 
  2. No one touched the captain's onigiri; because since he's the oldest, he gets to choose the rules. Shut up Atsumu. 
  3. No one went into Sakusa's bathroom. (By Sakusa) 
  4. No one flirts with Shouyou. (By Atsumu because he wanted his own special rule too.)



‘Ah, it doesn't say here that _I_ can’t flirt.’ Shouyou observes with a grin. 

‘Shouyou-kun, no!’ Atsumu protests, throwing his hands up in horror. 

If he had been paying any attention to his team, Atsumu would’ve noticed them all sighing in unison. But Shouyou just laughs and gives Atsumu a specific look he couldn’t recognize. 

‘Oh, yes.’

The mornings were easy and quiet. By the time Shouyou has shaken Atsumu awake, Sakusa has already returned from his morning jog with Ushijima, showered, and disappeared into the kitchen for breakfast. It’s never certain where Bokuto is; some nights he doesn’t return. ‘ _He’s probably making Akaashi dinner.’_ Captain Meian mentioned one day, and they had all nodded knowingly, hearts warming and softening for their lovable caring teammate, until Atsumu opened his mouth. _Or_ becoming _his dinner._

_‘Atsumu-san!’ ‘What the fuck, Atsumu?!’ ‘You’re a sickness.’ ‘You stupid piss-hair!’_

Atsumu would be laughing until the last one, because then he would grab his hair and let out an offended squawk. ‘For the last time, it’s not piss coloured!’

Some mornings Bokuto was the one bursting into the kitchen with arms full of warm breakfast in bags. Shouyou thought it was so cool of him to treat them all for breakfast

‘I’m a good senior, aren’t I Shouyou.’ He laughs brightly with his arms crossed, nose turned up as Shouyou eggs him on.

‘Hey, I’m a pretty good senior too, right Shouyou-kun?’ Atsumu lazily walks up and drapes an arm across his shoulder. Everyone in the room almost audibly sighs. Atsumu is too busy remembering a good deed he’s done to notice. ‘Remember that time when I-’

‘The food will get cold Miya.’ Inunaki drags him back to the table with his jacket hood almost choking him. 

Then one day after practice, when Shouyou was walking over to Atsumu’s room, Captain Meian approached him with a small concerned look on his face. 

‘Shouyou, I hope you remember the first rule?’ He says softly. Captain is never soft, except with Shouyou. He's the only one no one could be an asshole to, which was quite a statement because everyone was an asshole. Because even the biggest asshole couldn't be an asshole to him. 

‘Shouyou’s cheeks burned bright at the question, mouth falling open in shock. 'I’m not going to fuck him! I'm just returning his blow dryer!' 

'Ah, one of those huh.' Meian nodded his head wisely, turning his head to the side with eyes clenched, as if the thought hurt to think about. 'Well, don't forget the knee pads, and be careful.'

He was just trying to be a good captain. He tried patting Shouyou's head awkwardly before the tanned tangerine blew a fuse so bright Meian had to stumble back, eyes focusing on the hand Shouyou stuck up to show to his gutter brained but well meaning captain. In it, he quite clearly held a hairdryer.

Meian gave up on giving his teammates sex advice after that for a while. While Shouyou and Atsumu, who had banged his head against the wall inside his room after he’d overheard what Captain had just insinuated, found out that the whole team thought they were fucking. 

The next day when Inunaki had teased them about it, Atsumu had scrambled to explain, grabbing Shouyou’s hand impulsively. ‘He’s my best friend! We’re just best friends!’ In a voice too high-pitched and panicked to be convincing. 

‘You’re literally holding his hand right now.’ Sakusa pointed out, his nose wrinkling. 

‘Best friends hold hands Omi-kun, I'm sorry you’ve never experienced it before.’ Atsumu had declared, as if this wasn’t the first time he had ever touched Shouyou for longer than a few friendly seconds. He tried not to regret it, because Shouyou didn’t pull away, because his fingers were slowly slipping between Atsumu’s and his palm was so warm and calloused. 

Everyone stared at them, at their linked hands and worryingly red faces. 

‘ _Thankfully,_ ’ Sakusa folded his arms and raised an annoyed eyebrow. ‘I’ve only had to experience it with Ushjima... _not friends._ ’

Shouyou had nervously laughed, softly agreeing with Atsumu in a small voice. ‘Yeah, we’re just friends. We used to hold hands all the time as little kids!’ 

And as everyone slowly left that topic behind to now shift to Sakusa and his hand holding adventures, Shouyou’s hand slipped away.

  
  


^^

  
  


It was during another party after MSBY had won their first match after becoming a team, that Atsumu was revealed to a certain truth that should've been apparent to him a long time ago, at least according to Osamu. 

Two things were clear in his mind. 

One; Hinata Shouyou was a phenomenal volleyball player. A sun on the court so bright he lit up any place he set his foot in. And over the years, he had filled in the gaps where he had been lacking all those years ago when they had last played together during the Inter Highs. 

This also meant he had built himself an amazing body. One that Atsumu had an incredibly hard time looking away from, and an even harder time trying not to touch. 

Two; Hinata Shouyou didn't hate him. At least he hadn’t shown any signs of it after their little hand holding incident. And it had been a week since then. 

These two things were clear in his mind. 

So when he was pulled against the wall by a fairly sober Hinata Shouyou in the far hallway of their residence, right between the doors to their respective rooms, it was safe to say he had expected Shouyou's chest to be solid and warm, but never to confirm the theory. 

His brain hadn't stopped buzzing twenty minutes before when Shouyou had been surrounded by their team members, being pat on the back as laughter chorused around them. Shouyou had been laughing; because he was filled with them and a victory where he had driven the last point home was a good enough reason to let them out. 

He had felt breathless watching Shouyou become a man the world couldn't help but adore, breathless when he caught Atsumu staring and started walking towards him, smiling softly, apartment lights on his back and messy ruffles in his hair. And breathless when Shouyou had grabbed his hand, whispered a small _Your tosses were so good today,_ making the tips of Atsumu’s fingers tingle and a certain weight fall away as he began to pull him into the hallway.

Atsumu's head had been clear in the first moment he had stepped into the court with Shouyou, tossed his first official ball to him, which he sent thundering into the opposite court which had left Atsumu a certain type of breathless. But now when Shouyou was mind-numbingly close to him, it was a mess again. All he could think of was _'I love the fuck out of you.'_

With every toss he sent him in that match, he pressed a small sentence he hoped Shouyou could hear. _I'm in love with you_. And each time Shouyou received it with his perfect palm, each time spiking it with a satisfying slam to the other side of the net. 

'How was I today?' Shouyou was looking up at him now, with his pretty eyes, a smile curving his pretty lips. 

‘Shouyou-kun, is that even a question?’ Atsumu laughs but Shouyou places a soft, gentle hand against his chest, fingers spreading slowly as he searches for his heartbeat. His eyes that never left Atsumu’s half wide ones. 

‘I want to hear it from you.’

Atsumu sucked in a breath. ‘You can fly so high now.’

Shouyou smiled, closing his eyes briefly to let the words sink in. 

‘With you,’ Shouyou said after a moment, the smile growing on his lips. ‘I can fly so high with you. Finally.’

_With you._

_Finally_

It had always been Shouyou pulling him closer, Atsumu letting him. Being dragged in by the sun's magnetic field. Swaying in any direction it went. A sunflower in the wild. 

He didn’t know, could never gaze into the sun long enough to realise that he was looking back at him. All this time, Shouyou was always looking back, turning him into something more than just a sunflower. 

Shouyou was smiling. At him. In the middle of the hallway, pressing Atsumu against the wall under his hands. His eyes were clear and he wasn't drunk at all, even after all those shots that had Atsumu staggering on his feet. And Atsumu thought for the thousandth time that night; _I’m in love with you._

'You were amazing today Atsumu-san.' Shouyou told him, with a smile that held all the light in the world. 

Atsumu couldn't believe the brightest person on the court was telling him this. He wanted to kiss him right there. But he wasn’t drunk enough to let himself be reckless, and Shouyou could... he could just be drunker than he seems right now. Atsumu could be misunderstanding this. 

'And you were brighter than the sun on the court.' Atsumu said. 'Everyone was watching you.'

Shouyou laughed, his self assured, sunshine laugh. 'Is that so.' He stopped to fix his gaze on Atsumu again, to make sure he was looking back at him, paying attention to his next words. 

As if a sunflower could do anything but face the sun. 

'And I was watching you.' A hand was rubbing down Atsumu’s stomach and his breath caught in his throat. His whole body was buzzing. A single thought stuck to the forefront of his mind. 

_I'm in love with you._

Atsumu wanted to say it. It sat at the tip of his tongue. He tried to swallow, but it was still there. It was everywhere. Filled in every cell of Atsumu’s being, entangled with every tingling nerve and flowing blood vessel. 

'Haha, oh, um...I thought you were watching the ball.' Atsumu laughed nervously.

'You know I'm flirting with you right now, right?' Shouyou gave him an amused, yet deceivingly innocent look. He was so blunt that Atsumu could only stare back at him for a few moments, surely as bright red as a clown nose. 

'You're what?'

'You're so dense Atsumu-san.'

'Oi, how did you just go from complimenting me to insulting me.'

'I'm in love with you.' Shouyou smiled. 

It takes a moment for Atsumu to realize that the words had been said out loud. He thought he had imagined Shouyou’s lips shape around the words he hadn’t stopped thinking about all night. It took a moment to register what Shouyou said before his eyes began to grow wide. Before he began to cry. 

'You're so unfair Shouyou-kun,' He groaned into his hands and Shouyou swiped his thumbs against Atsumu's wet cheeks. 'I wanted to look cooler when I finally confessed to you.' 

And at this, Shouyou laughs so loud he can feel the comforting hum in his heart. ‘You _are_ cool, Atsumu-san!’

But with his heart thudding so hard, and knowing Shouyou could definitely feel it under his palms, he didn’t feel so cool. He tries to hide the flush rising to his cheeks so rapidly. 

‘You think so?’

‘Of course. Since the very beginning, when you came back to life in front of me on that mountain road.’ Shouyou was beaming at him, his face a bit more flushed now. 

‘Does this mean I get to kiss you?’ Atsumu tries, hopeful. It takes a moment for a fond smile to fill his cheeks before Shouyou finally nods. 

Atsumu hesitates, slowly bringing his slightly trembling hands up to hold Shouyou's soft smiling face in both of them and staring unbelievingly into his eyes. Shouyou is the one who has to yank his shirt to bring his face down, pushing up on his tiptoes to press his kiss against Atsumu's lips, finally. _Finally._

It took three realizations for Atsumu to register the fact that he was kissing Hinata Shouyou, the boy who should've been too bright to exist. The first comes with Shouyou’s hand coming up to tangle his fingers in Atsumu’s surprisingly soft hair, tugging gently. The second; when Atsumu found he could encircle his arms around the corded, flexed muscles of Shouyou’s waist. He was solid and warm under his touch, almost scorching, as if he had come from a place in the sun. 

The third comes when Shouyou pushes up further on his toes, Atsumu bending down to meet him halfway. He was doing all the things that made Atsumu feel a bit insane; tilting his head, sighing into his mouth and bringing his other hand up to cup his cheek. 

_I’m kissing Hinata Shouyou._ Atsumu finally realized. _I’m fucking insane._

^^

Atsumu discovers the next day how it felt to wake up with the sun wrapped in his arms. 

A soft sun, wrapped in white blankets, the elegant curve of a bare shoulder painted with a tan, save for a single strip of fair skin, peeking from the top. Orange hair bright even in the darkness of an awakening dawn that was just beginning to colour the sky outside the curtains. 

Atsumu stared at him, because he could. Blinking sleep out of his eyes, feeling a slight headache begin to grip the edges of his mind, Atsumu pressed a gentle palm against Shouyou’s cheek. Atsumu watched in awe as he stirred in his sleep, almost awoke before mumbling something unintelligible and pressing his nose into Atsumu’s collarbone, still fast asleep. 

Atsumu couldn’t believe it. He knew this was something he could never get used to. He knew his brother had been right, and it irked him but he had silently hoped for it all along. So as slowly as he could, he untangled himself from Shouyou, silently walked out to the balcony and called Osamu, the person who’d always been the first to know about the exciting happenings of his extraordinary life.

'Shouyou kissed me and told me he's in love with me.' He spoke all in one breath as soon as he picked up. 

'Oh, I'm sure he meant it as just a friend.' Osamu sounded smug. 

It didn’t take long before Atsumu was yelling 'I was unsure before okay!' and Osamu began laughing on the other side. 

On a sun soaked bed in the bedroom behind him Shouyou is sleeping peacefully against soft sheets and Atsumu's heart hasn't felt this light in years. He turns back to peek through the curtains at Shouyou to see him asleep and he can't believe he kissed him last night. And Shouyou would let him do it again, and again and again. He sighed happily.

‘Well, either way, I still won.’ Osamu pops his love bubble from the other side. 

Atsumu rolls his eyes, remembering their old promise, remembering how he had accidentally walked in on Osamu pressing his soft, careful, teenage love against Suna’s lips a few months later.

‘Only this time.’

He wasn’t sad to admit he had lost. Not when he remembered how the next morning Osamu’s smile had been bigger than Atsumu’s list of ‘things to _un-see_ ’ list, which was an accomplishment Osamu would never be able to properly acknowledge given the things Atsumu’s bad habit of never knocking had walked him into. 

Osamu tells him to go back to Shouyou and hangs up. 

Atsumu walks towards him again, facing him like a sunflower to its sun, and feels time linger in its step between them. It took another moment for Atsumu to realise. Shouyou was finally within his reach. Finally beside him where he can see him.

Two years wasn’t a long time. Shouyou had messaged him everyday, video chat every weekend.

Two years wasn’t a long time, but seventeen years was. It was enough time for someone to fall in and out of love. And for someone who never fell out and only deeper, it was a torturously long time. But when it came to Shouyou, Atsumu knew fear and selflessness even better than he knew selfishness. 

Atsumu was six when he stumbled across a field of sunflowers. He heard their hushed whispers and felt their far away longings for the sun. He was six when he had looked at Shouyou like he was the embodiment of the burning star that the Earth revolved around. 

Atsumu was twenty three when he woke up to see the sun sleeping beside him, thought _God, he’s so pretty_ and he held him with lips grazing his forehead. With a laugh pressed into warm skin, he realized how silly he used to be. 

He wasn’t just a sunflower. It had taken him a while to figure out. Sunflowers wilt without the sun, but Atsumu had only grown stronger just to see him again. Sunflowers could only gaze at the sun from a safe distance so not to get burnt, but Atsumu got to hold him in his arms. 

He was more than just a sunflower. He was the boy Shouyou had fallen in love with. 

^^

A small inconvenience (for Atsumu) :

Halfway between Atsumu kissing Shouyou awake and him pressing his sunny smile sleepily against Atsumu’s lips, Bokuto walks in.

They had only slept together, literally. But at some point between cuddling, they had grown too warm so now, naturally they were both shirtless. Unfortunately this only provided Bokuto with more evidence to the claim he was about to make. 

He gaped at them wide and before Atsumu could even try to explain, Bokuto was running off screaming.

'Captain I caught Atsumu and Hinata fucking! They owe us a barbecue tonight!'

Atsumu was mortified yet again. He ran after him. 

‘FOR SWEET JESUS’S SAKE BOKKUN, WE WEREN’T FUCKING!’

But who ever listened to what Atsumu said anyways?

It was a good morning whether Atsumu lost a few strands of hair to his humiliations or not; Shouyou was waking up properly behind him, Bokuto’s laugh was filling the hallways and cheers were erupting in the common room of the MSBY apartment. Everyone knew that the coming together of Atsumu and Shouyou was a cause for celebration, the painfully obvious mutual pining had come to an end at long last. So Atsumu owed eight people a barbeque tonight for subjecting them to it in the first place.

The sun had risen and was rubbing his eyes as he walked past Atsumu into the hallways, just beginning to realize what was happening. 

Then he was laughing, squeezing Atsumu’s hand because he could. Atsumu squeezed back, calmer this time, because he could. After all, with Shouyou finally beside him, nothing seemed like much of an inconvenience. 

**Author's Note:**

> wahhh it's done! *stands up and blacks out immediately*
> 
> this is honestly the longest thing i've ever written, and my first completed fic. THE POWER OF ATSUHINA IS IMMENSE AND BEAUTIFUL. 
> 
> also ty to c**** (not part of the exchange, dont worry im very sneaky) for pulling me through so many all nighters, questioning my sanity and hearing me scream about atsuhina every single day, i had so much fun writing this! 
> 
> thank you so much for reading!! <3 drop a comment if you would like to scream at atsumu for being a fool for so long, or if you found a grammatical error my 2am coffee infused brain forgot to correct, i promise i will appreciate it all! or if you're a silent reader, tysm for your time too, i love you atsuhina nation!
> 
> also small note : i'm planning a small epilogue for this, just an established atsuhina going on a date and atsumu losing his mind over something he discovers dhfjehnfjf stick around if u'd like to read! tho it might take a while cause i have...pulls hair and screams into void...exams. 
> 
> i will now metamorphose into a hibernating frog until haikyuu s4 ep15 drops. 
> 
> take care and don't drink so much coffee that your stomach forgets peace! >w<3


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